WhY mE bAd At ChEsS

1. I Think for 3 Seconds, Then Panic
I try to calculate. I really do. But somewhere between “develop your pieces” and “don’t blunder,” my brain hits the self-destruct button.

Result? I make the worst move on the board. With confidence.

 
2. I Know Openings — Kind Of
I start with 1.e4 like a good student. Maybe even follow a line from a YouTube video I half-watched at 1.5x speed.

But by move 7?
Chaos.
I’m freestyling like it’s chess jazz. Spoiler: it’s not working.

 
3. Tactics? Never Heard of Them
Every game is a test of whether I’ll hang my queen or my rook first. Forks, pins, and skewers hide in plain sight — and I walk right into them like it’s my job.

“Why is that knight glowing?”
Because it just ended my career.

 
4. I Learn Nothing From My Mistakes
You’d think after blundering mate in one five times, I’d stop doing it.
You’d be wrong.

I treat “analysis” like a haunted house — I peek in, scream, then pretend it didn’t happen.

 
5. I Rage-Queue and Regret Everything
Lost a game? Play another one immediately! What could go wrong?

Answer: Everything.
Every bullet session ends with me staring at the screen, rating down 100, wondering if checkers is more my speed.

 
So, Why Is LilJimBobJr Bad at Chess?
Because chess is brutal. Because sometimes I play like a genius, and sometimes I forget how en passant works. And because improvement is hard when you're stubborn, impatient, and vibing your pieces into dumb places.

But you know what? I keep coming back. Because chess, even at my worst, is still kind of fun.