Noob Moves for Noobs: Why Are They Played?
One of the worst chess titles you can possibly have is "noob". It implies a lack of chess knowledge and general knowledge of any sort. But now, I'm showcasing the moves that make YOU a noob (assuming your Elo is trash) and why you actually play them.
1. Annoying Queen/Bishop Check
This move is one beginners play very often. It's been engrained in many of us that checks are good things whenever. But in this situation, it isn't.
Looks pretty normal, right?
Just the Caro-Kann.
But here's the annoying part.
Boom.
All it does is help White. When run through an analysis, it shows that White actually goes up +0.6 from +0.3 to +0.9. So all that happens for Black is a loss.
This can also happen with the bishop, as shown below:
This is really annoying, as now White's knight can't move to c3 because the c-pawn is needed to block the attack. However, White can still move Nd2 or Na3, depending on what White is going for.
2. The Endless Push
Have you ever played someone who just pushes their pawns over and over, ignoring their other pieces completely? That's the endless push. The pawns just get taken over and over, leading to a stronger position for the opponent, who has been developing as well as taking the pawns, and a weaker position for the pusher, who now has almost zero pawns and a very weak structure.
This is just an example, but this can happen. Even in the endgame, this is super annoying, especially when they haven't moved a minor piece at all (bishop, knight, etc.). Pawns are not everything. You have a queen already, you don't need to get eight other queens before you can develop or checkmate.
3. Back and Forth, Around and Around
I know from experience that in bullet matches, often your opponent (or you) will try to stall, making mediocre moves, waiting for the clock to run down. Most often, these are pre-moves, causing the pieces to go back and forth, creating a draw by repetition. This can also happen in normal matches too, making okay moves until a check or something that stops the streak of pre-moves.
The noob isn't looking for the pawn-they're just trying to draw. If they had focused on their pawns instead of the knight that can't checkmate, then maybe, they would have won. This is purely a hypothetical, but this can and will happen.
Closing:
When I say someone is a noob, that just means they aren't that good at chess. All they need is practice. And when I say someone is a noob, I also mean myself. I only (as of 5/7/2026) have 600 or so Elo, which isn't very good, but I've been getting better. I'm pushing myself, studying, training, thinking. If that can work for me, it can work for all the 100-200 Elo people out there.
Practice makes perfection. Perfection isn't practice.
-Kaden_Zachary
