I've finally got the motivation to study my chess.

Despite being depressed and still looking for work, I've managed to get some motivation to do some chess studying, which includes completing Shankland's 3 part 1.d4 chessable course, as well as making a start on Jones' and Sethu's e4 e5. I got this motivation from my chess club's casual rapidplay event I was playing in last week. Despite winning the event and scoring 3.5/4, I was unhappy with how I was playing with white. I played two games with each colour and in my first white game I was unhappy with the outcome of the opening and had a shaky position in the middlegame. Thankfully my opponent blundered and I ended up winning that one. In my other white game, I thought I had a successful opening and had a wicked sacrificial attack against my opponent's Sicilian Najdorf. At one stage I thought I was going to win with a perfect score of 4/4, but my opponent who plays sharply managed to wriggle out, gave back some material, and ended up with me having queen, knight, and rook vs knight, bishop, two rooks and two extra pawns. Despite my opponent's material advantage, I managed to save myself in the endgame by giving up my knight for two pawns with my opponent ending up with a dark square bishop and an h pawn. So I was thinking to myself 'Maybe it's time to part ways with 1.e4', and decided that it was time for a change. 

I've played 1.d4 just before and during lockdown and had some great results with it. I'm now questioning myself 'Why did I ditch 1.d4 for 1.e4?' I've played 1.e4 in my childhood and got me the player I am today, but times have changed and last season proved to me that e4 doesn't suit my style of play anymore as I have lost just over 100 rating points in the last 12 months mostly because of my poor play with white.