If Openings Were People
Welcome back, dear readers!
Chess openings are usually presented with dense theory, computer evaluations, endless engine lines, unknown sidelines, tricks, and many more elements. But what if we took away the ECO codes and the preparation, and just imagined them as people? People with quirks, moods, and very questionable life choices.
That's exactly what this post is about! I've picked some of the most iconic openings (along with a certain troublemaker at the end) and tried to imagine who they would be if they walked among us. You’ll meet tricksters, stubborn romantics, noble Spaniards, elegant queens, and yes, a rebellious clown.
TABLE OF CONTENTS
This trickster walks into the room with a grin that you can't quite trust.
He is the sort of guy that always has a trick up his sleeve.
Everyone knows he’s complicated, but no one really understands him completely, which makes him feel proud. He thrives on being unpredictable: one moment quiet and harmless, the next he’s throwing chaos onto the board like confetti at a parade.
Opponents think they are prepared for him, but they rarely are.
He has too many faces, too many schemes, too many little poisons hidden in his smile. That’s his charm, and also his curse: he keeps you guessing, but he never lets you feel safe. You either love him for the adrenaline or hate him for the headaches. There’s no in-between.
The best player of all time, Magnus Carlsen, uses this opening as a venomous weapon to trap his opponents, even making one or two inaccuracies early on.
The Sicilian, in the end, is chaos bottled into an opening. He thrives in sharp lines, loves imbalance, and hates anything quiet or symmetrical.
You never quite know what he’s up to, but that’s the point. Facing him is like stepping into a storm: thrilling, dangerous, and unforgettable.
🤔 Fun Fact
About 17% of all games between grandmasters start with the Sicilian Defense.
And yet, the Sicilian has a curious fiancée: the English. Their relationship is built on symmetry: the same pawn structure, only mirrored. What he does with 1…c5, she does with 1.c4. It’s almost like looking into a reflection: the same ideas, the same strategies, just with the roles reversed. Some say that’s why they get along so well — they speak the same chess language, even if one prefers the black pieces and the other the white.
However, I could write a whole different post just talking about her. Perhaps a second part of this post?
French people are known for a lot of things. Some may think they are impatient, even rude. That is true... in a sense. Only if you relate to Kevin in this scene.
The French Defense is not the type of woman that rushes into things. She stands firm, arms crossed, refusing to budge.
At first glance, she can seem passive, like she’s doing nothing. But that’s the trick: she waits, she frustrates, she lets her opponent run into her wall. She’s the queen of stubbornness, always answering on her own terms. It’s not flexibility, but principle. She won’t start the fight, but if you provoke her, you’ll regret it. Either you love her or you hate her. Ask Steinitz if you don't believe it...
I have never in my life played the French Defense, which is the dullest of all openings.
- Wilhelm Steinitz
Remember what I said just now? That she doesn't start fights? Yeah. Normally true. The only exception is her dad, the Caro-Kann Defense. She learned a lot about him. She learned so much you can even confuse their games. Her tricks? She learned those from her mother, the Scandinavian Defense. She is spontaneous, fun, but we can talk about her in a separate post.
Let's get back to her dad. They are always fighting. Pawn structures, fixed pawns, queen development, queenside attacks, pawn structures, pawn structures, pawn structures. Did I mention pawn structures? Never mind.
🤔 Fun Fact
This opening is named after a real-world correspondence match played in 1834 between London and Paris, where the French team used the opening moves 1.e4 e6 to win the match.
Provided they never agree, she has decided she hates the kingside. That is why most of her attacks (at least the good ones), will be made in the queenside, as she usually lacks kingside development. Daddy issues, you know. On the other hand, she talks to her mother every day. Guess that is why she loves the queenside so much.
Going back to her personality, her patience has a cruel edge. She watches your pawns overextend, your pieces lose their purpose, and only then she lashes out. Many players underestimate her, thinking she’s boring or cramped. But this is where she thrives. She’s not the kind you want to annoy. Don't believe me? Watch.
The French is a stubborn, almost aristocratic opening. It does not rush, it does not flatter. It simply plants its pawn on e6 and waits, confident that white’s first move will eventually run into its iron structure.
To face it is to test one’s patience; to play it well is to turn restraint into a weapon.
Ruy López is the kind of man you imagine walking through a sunlit Spanish courtyard, calm and composed, always thinking three steps ahead. A priest by vocation and a strategist by nature.
The Ruy López is named after a Spanish priest from the 16th century, who analyzed the opening in one of the first chess books ever written.
He has principles, and he does not break them. His personality is a lot like his playing style; he respects the rules, but he’s constantly searching for subtle improvements, little refinements that make all the difference. Opponents know that a game with him is not about flashy tricks but about patient, careful pressure. Every pawn, every bishop, every knight has its purpose, like instruments in a grand symphony he conducts. He hates strange lines, as he has a hard time punishing them.
He is not a great fan of fast movements. He takes it slow. Before you know it, he will squeeze your pieces in the endgame.
When he sits at the chessboard, he blesses it with structure. He guides his pieces like a homily, patient but firm, teaching the game by unfolding it.
Let's see a good game by Fischer!
Did you like it? As you can see, the Spanish is mostly strategical, with very little tactics.
Let me tell you. Ruy is Spain embodied: proud but courteous, conservative in his attire but daring in his thought. Ruy López will not dazzle you with fireworks, but he will surround you, like incense in a cathedral, until you realize you’ve been breathing his strategy all along.
He also has a younger, friendly brother who we will soon meet.
An Italian flag waving on the back, a delicious pizza in his hand, and an older brother who is normally the center of attention. You just met the Italian Opening. This young boy is the younger brother in the family of classical openings. He’s thirteen years old, but already shows a mix of charm and energy that makes him impossible to ignore. Athletic, lively, and handsome, he’s the kid who runs around the piazza with a toy sword in one hand and a slice of pizza in the other.
He doesn’t carry the heavy responsibilities of his older brother, the Ruy López. Instead, he prefers simplicity, lightness, and the joy of the game itself. Unlike other openings, he doesn't like hiding his intentions. He develops naturally, but you should not underestimate him. He can go slow (Giuoco Piano, or even Giuoco Pianissimo) or he can threaten you in an instant (Center Attack, Fegatello Attack, or Evans Gambit).
He might be the younger brother of the Ruy, but he’s not a copy. He studies his brother’s ideas, sometimes mimics them (such as the Nbd2, Nf1, Ng3 one), but always finds a way to adjust them to his own taste. He proves that sometimes youth can rival experience.
Now, we will see a game by, in my opinion, the world's most expert on this opening, Fabiano Caruana.
This boy does not mess around, huh?
The Italian may look like the carefree younger brother, but his charm hides real strength. He invites you to an easy game, all light and harmony, yet in a blink, he can unsheathe his sword and strike with sharp tactics. He is both playful and dangerous, simple yet profound.
This elegant woman is not another opening. She is the opening.
Sitting tall in her throne, she does not ask permission. She demands the center pushing her pawn to d4. Then, on the second move of the game, she offers you a venomous present. Should you take it?
Beginners usually do. Experimented folks? Almost never.
It's not like she sacrificed it out of carelessness, but out of confidence.
Her reputation precedes her. Capablanca used her grace to strangle opponents; Kasparov turned her into a weapon of fire; even Netflix immortalized her in the hands of Beth Harmon (maybe you want to read my CHYOA post about it).
Some claim she’s predictable, too mainstream. But that’s just envy. She knows that when you’re the Queen’s Gambit, you don’t need to reinvent yourself. You are chess.
She polishes her throne daily, reminding everyone of her superiority over the other openings. The French grumbles on the queenside, the Sicilian throws tricks in the dark, but she smiles knowingly. They are all just trying to catch up.
Capablanca proves this superiority many times. Let's see an example.
The Queen’s Gambit is the most elegant of them all, regal, poised, and convinced of her superiority. She does not rush; she offers her pawn with dignity, expecting respect in return. Most of the time, her elegance keeps her in full control of the board. But elegance has a cost. When provoked, she can unleash chaos that feels almost theatrical. The Queen’s Gambit is not just an opening; she is a queen.
The moment of truth. I hope you didn't scroll the whole post just to know who the last opening was 
This bad boy is the wild child of the chess family. Bold, reckless, and often laughed at, he doesn’t mind being called a clown.
In fact, he loves it.
He pushes his pawn to g4 like it’s the punchline of a joke, daring his opponent to punish him. And most of the time, they do. But that’s the point.
His father, the Réti, couldn’t be more different. He is calm, moves his knight to f3, and then his pawn, but to g3.
The Grob hates it. To him, g3 is boring, lifeless, too restrained. “Why waste time when you can go straight for g4?” he yells, rolling his eyes at his father’s lectures. It’s a family drama on the chessboard: the responsible parent shaking his head while the son storms out of the house, ready to make a mess.
He’s reckless, but he’s unforgettable. And in his own way, he’s proud of it.
Let me tell you one thing. The time I spent searching for a classical game with 1. g4 in Chessgames is not normal. So I thought: Which player plays this opening and is not that bad at chess? WFM Alessia Santeramo! This famous Italian YouTuber is known for her aggressive play and bold moves. Lucky me, I found a game where she played against the legend CM Volen Dyulgerov. Who? You might ask. Maybe you know him if I tell you his username, Witty_Alien.
He made a farewell video recently where he talked about his health and money problems, so he made the decision of leaving the streaming world. This was a hard punch for many, yet he received plenty of comments and donations in that video. However, I could talk about this in a whole different post.
Let's see the game.
After this horrible, yet fun game, we can tell that this boy is chess’s loud, rebellious teenager. He throws his pawn to g4 without care, more interested in shocking his opponent than in playing “good” chess.
Each of these openings carries their own personality.
The Sicilian is the trickster, never shows all his cards at once. The French is stubborn, structured, and forever bound to her queenside roots. The Ruy López walks like a noble priest, calm and wise. The Italian is the playful younger brother, full of energy, innocence, and the occasional surprise. The Queen’s Gambit sits on her throne, elegant and commanding, offering sacrifices that disguise her deeper control. And the Grob? He is the rebel son, noisy and chaotic, constantly trying to escape the shadow of his father, the Réti. Together, they remind us that the opening world is far, yet very close to us.
I really hope you liked this post. Which opening should I include for a possible second chapter? I promise I read every single comment, and I feel very happy the moment I see a new one. Thank you very much for taking the time to read my post. Stay brilliant!
