The shores of hell

I am a lonely man. I have everything that money can buy. Living in a villa can be a source of happiness, which I remember well, when my wife and kids were still living with me, besides a staff of servants. Now they are all gone this place just enlarges my loneliness.

My family just couldn’t cope with my nightly episodes of screaming when I returned from the shores of hell. After that I would get up to sit with my blanket around me, shivering, sweating, praying I didn’t need more sleep. Most of the time I fell asleep again and it would start all over.

During daytime I would still be sleepy and aggressive. The slightest thing could make me go off on everyone around me. My wife thought it would be better if she took the kids away for a while until I had more control over my situation. She sent for the best doctors to help me cope with whatever it was that was bothering me, as I could not explain to her exactly what was going on. I told her that nightmares were haunting me, but she was there when it all started. She was so scared she didn’t sleep next to me anymore. I didn’t complain about it, as I was scared for her safety. Maybe I was just going crazy, but if those creatures could reach my family I don’t know what they would do to them. She told me that my body lay there motionless, last time she slept beside me, but that she felt like something was in the room apart from her and me. She was right, but I just couldn’t tell her what that something was. She saw in my eyes I was holding back on her. I never could keep anything from her wise, seer eyes. She just held me and said nothing. God, I love that woman. If only they would let me go, I would be reunited with my family instantly. But they don’t.

Maybe I deserve all of this. I was a banker. I created products that I knew were rotten, but would generate me a guaranteed large profit, effortlessly. I didn’t even know my clients. Banking has gotten so easy. You can rob people blind, while they don’t even have a face to pin it on. It has become impersonal. People from all over the world are now bankrupt and they don’t even know I did it. I sent people contracts no sane man can understand. Sold them products even I have a hard time grasping. I could have been an excellent mathematician, who was doing science to help the world advance. Instead I chose this, because it generates more money. I got greedy and am now paying the price. All of my former colleagues still work there, using the same tricks. They have no sleeping problems. They are different. Maybe one day they will repent too, but I doubt it. They are heartless and have no conscience. They use their intelligence to conquer the world with computers and hold humanity back. I thought I could be like that too. I was wrong.

The doctors listened to my story and have gotten me neuroleptics. I have taken them but they don’t help a bit. They just make me feel even weirder during the day, so I stopped taking them. They just don’t understand. What I have isn’t in their books, so they are helpless to cope with it. I do have sleeping pills now, but am afraid to use them for obvious reasons. I am not going to see any more doctors. I have seen enough. Maybe it will all go away by itself, that’s my only hope.

I feel I can’t keep my eyes open much longer. It is time for me to lie down and watch this horror again. My body needs sleep, but my mind wants to fly away.

I lay down on the bed and closed my eyes. The same thing happened again. It was as though my mind could suddenly see outside of my body. I saw myself lying there, motionless, as if I were dead. The only parts that moved a bit were my nose and belly. There they were again. Creatures in all shapes, closing in, like mindless zombies with their eyes staring at me. Like I was their prey. I tried to move, but didn’t know how. I didn’t even know where I was and how I got there. The darkness and those grim faces were getting too much for me, as always. As my mind sank into the body, I lay there screaming, sweating, tired. I looked at the clock. Not even half an hour of sleep.

I took a handful of sleeping pills, determined to face my demons once and for all. This time the creatures got closer and closer until it felt like they would touch me any time. Then, suddenly, there was a bright light, growing and growing, until it was all I could see. The light somehow took me to another place. All of a sudden I felt peaceful . I only wished I didn’t have to go alone.

The last thing his body cried was “Anna!” You could hear his scream for a mile. When they found him he lay there with a peaceful smile on his face.