Unmotivated for chess anymore
Secondary education has been getting into me ever since the beginning of sophomore year, there is so much work to complete daily, it wouldn't be so hard if it wasn't for my huge issue with procrastination. There's a lot to study, and I have plenty of room to improve my grades (they are actually decently good, but it's not enough if I want to have my own time and thrive in this damn world when I get older).
Outside of school, I do sports, writing and studying the Bible in the Kingdom Hall. I used to get on here a lot, and had a lot of energy and all to learn and play. Then it all slipped, and now I barely have anytime to come on.
I have been using chess apps on my mobile to help me keep up with my schedules as a player, but I don't think I ever got any better, there were no signs of progress for perhaps half a year already.
Recently I have returned for a few days because I was clear of the massive work from school, but I don't think that I even understand the concept of chess anymore, I constantly lose and dropped some 20-30 points quickly. Missing more and more brilliant moves while making more and more blundering ones.
I can't even bring myself back to learning by reading blogs and watching videos, my tactics have been down a lot (from mid 1900 to high 1700). I either get hasty, careless, tired, and most of all:
Nothing is getting me back into shape anymore, I have been playing against people, and all I can do is make passive moves and find an obvious weakness, while scraping my own position despite my (far weaker) opponent does not see it. It hurts and scares me to just learn chess, because my brain is just not in the mood to play any longer.