Why im taking a break from chess

Hey everyone, as im sure some of you know, the HS State Championship concluded on the 8th... so there has been a large delay in this blog, and thats what im here to talk about quick before we get into the actual chess stuff.

The honest truth of the matter is that at this point in my life, chess is doing more harm than good. I havent come up with a cleverer name than just "burn out", but I first heard of this phenomenon funnily enough from GothamChess. Back when he used to do his road to GM series about 2 years ago, there is a topic he went into that ive never understood until now. Without beating around the bush, every classical game of chess I have played in the past year has put more mental strain on me. When I lose games it ruins my whole day, I tilt and it messes up my mood, this feeling of not being good enough. And when I win, I feel nothing, it just means I didn't lose. Obviously that isnt a very good mentality to have if I want to become a master or continue competitive chess, no matter how good I play if its not perfect, then I'm disappointed and mad. So thus, I'm taking a break from chess, I want to step away and just study and hopefully rediscover my love for the game. 

Team Results and further thoughts

But with that said, there is still a tournament to recap. First ill talk about how our team did since I am incredibly proud of everyone at Stillwater. As our first year competing, we managed to get 5th place! Had any of us gotten even a half point off in the final round, we would have got 7th. I wish I had games of my other teammates to showcase, but easily the highlight of the event was the social aspect and getting to see everyone succeed and put themselves out there. With my individual results aside I couldn't be happier with how it went. Here is a photo of all of us!

For their privacy I won't add names or accounts, but if you guys are reading this I just want you to know that watching us succeed as a team and being there for some of our members first ever tournament made this years State even better than last year when I won.

The Actual Tournament

Going into round 1 I was relaxed after our chess teams mini road trip together up to the venue. But of course as the more and more I played and got into my own head, It stopped being me vs my opponent. But me vs my opponent and myself. But thats getting too ahead of myself here. Since I likely wont be blogging for a long time after this, ill make sure to actually put more effort into the annotations, maybe they can teach something about what to do... or what not to do. Onto the games! 

Round 1: A Good Start

 Round 2: ...

However, one thing that all players know is just how hard it is to play against lower rated players, especially ones who are your friend... and who you played training games with prior to the tournament.

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AGAGDHHSHSHDGFGUEUEEDJDNDBEHEDBUHGBDSNBSD

Anyways though with exaggerations aside, Orion played very well, so kudos to him on the big win... despite his overall results Still hurt a lot to lose round 2, especially against a 1400. I was now in extra tilt mode and with 5 rounds left to recover, I would need to find my second wind. Getting food with the boys and having them console me a bit helped a lot. 1/2

Round 3: My opponent shot himself in the foot 

I have no comment, he was finding good moves and handling the wacky position well, he was even better at one point and then he just... I dont even know man 2/3, still pretty far behind the lead pack but top 6 was still possible if I locked in.

Round 4: Double Doubled Pawns

Well that was a nice strategic game. Although I do hate the london it was fun to have the chance to out grind someone in a smoother way. Concluding day 1 I had made a small comeback with 3/4 points and a return to the top 10 in the standings, but it would all come down to the final 3 games of day 2.

Day 2:

Waking up with another mini road trip was great, we talked in the car about games and did puzzles while I drove (I ofc was not partaking in the puzzles). With an energy drink and a solid night of sleep I knew that as long as I won all 3 games, I could do it. No pressure.

Round 5: Im a brick and a chud

Yeah, that was it. My tournament, in one move, one second of thought, half a second to grab the piece and another 2 to write down the move. I will say that yeah I did break down a bit after this game because wow, again it happened where I have the game in the palm of my hand and I give it all away in one move. Hurts to the soul a bit. But now that I was officially down in the dumps, I was gonna drag as many people down there as I could before the tournament concluded. 3.5/5

Round 6: "I have become death

Round 7: ...Destroyer of worlds"

Well that was a good way to end my tournament, of course mentally I was still pretty crushed but with that win our team managed to go from 9th to 5th! Of course it was a team effort, as our top 4 scorers got 3.5/4 the final round and had any of us lost even half a point, we wouldnt have gotten 5th. Pretty incredible stuff. 5.5/7, not a horrible finish with 8th place

Final thoughts

I dont want the take away of this blog to be any sort of pity, im doing well now and im happy with the decision to take a leave from chess. So what have I learned? Well, if I didnt love chess nearly as much as I do, I would never have these feelings. However, you should never value yourself off of your individual accomplishments, ive too often made the mistake of defining myself off of my failures or successes.

Instead, enjoy the fact that we are all so damn obsessed over this incredible game thats so much more than just a game. But dont ever put it ahead of yourself and the other great things in life, chess is a very isolating sport at times, dont let it consume ya.

See you guys in a couple months with my (hopefully) successful return.

-Owen

(it says it got 5th in the USCF results because of my rating but I infact did not)