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A Modest Proposal for Preventing OTB Cheating

A Modest Proposal for Preventing OTB Cheating

GargleBlaster
Jul 8, 2013, 2:32 PM 3

It is a melancholy object to those fans of our most distinguished and cherished game of chess to see, in events both near and abroad, its image tarnished by petty miscreants employing the most base forms of mischief and subterfuge.  The egregious exploits of these brazen brigands, these conniving cut-purses, must be curtailed at all costs. To this end, I have concocted a modest proposal to limit the efficacy of these scoundrels' sordid schemes.  To wit:

  • A) We eat their babies.  This prevents further dilution of the human genome and also lowers the price of veal.
  • B) To determine the guilt of anyone accused of corrupting our fair Caissa's most beatific image, we shall form a tribunal of inquisitors to interview all those suspected.  The interview will consist of three stages: first, an investigation of of all moves of a suspicious nature, second, questions about the suspect's desire and ability to contribute to our general monetary fund, and, finally, third, the comfy chair.
  • C) We adopt a new pastime of my own invention that is immune to such shadowy shenanigans: Poker Chess.

***

        HEREBY PRESENTING

THE RULES OF POKER CHESS

***

The first rule of Poker Chess is to constantly talk about Poker Chess.

The second rule of Poker Chess is that it is exactly like normal chess, save for two simple alterations:

1) You may, after each turn, write down a prediction of your opponent's next move.

2) If your prediction is proven correct, the piece just moved becomes forfeit.  If that piece is a King, you win the game.

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I look forward to the half-dozen odd subscribers of this most humble electronic journal having their say below.


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