PROXIMUS

Genre: Not very science fiction, Sports, Drama, Comedy

Characters: BC Club members

Abstract: The plot is a product of the author's wild imagination. Special thanks for the review and excellent feedback, Simone Mori and WGM Jovana Eric.

                                Content
Part I. Limited opportunities
Part II. Brilliant idea
Part III. Dr. Simone Mori
Part. IV. "Proximus"
Part V. The Birth of a Legend
Part VI. Fiesta
Part VII. Nova Stone
Part VIII. Alekhine's Defense.                                  Part IX. English Opening: Summetrical, Hedgehog Defense 

                                * * * * *

                  Part I. Limited opportunities

     It was late, cold autumn. A bright red sun was rising on the horizon, which Robert Oliver Healy had not seen for a long time. He was upset ... his beloved girl Nova Stone had dumped him, catching him in the house with two dark-as-night African women.
      Four knocked-out teeth and numerous scratches on his face were not the main problem... Now there was no one to write his academic doctoral dissertation for him, which he was supposed to defend next year.
      At the Department of Biology, Oliver was required to approve an important qualifying topic for defense. But unfortunately, his capabilities did not match his ambitions, given the above circumstances.
      After walking a few more streets, he finally decided to sit down on a dirty bench to finally get some rest. After a short reflection on the meaning of life, he saw a familiar figure in the distance, heading towards him. It was his best friend GM Diego Jetinate ...

                              * * * * * 

                  Part II. Brilliant idea 

— “How are you and your family, my dear friend?” — asked Jetinate.

— “Family and creative crisis,” Oliver replied and began to complain about his difficult life.

      Realizing the complexity of the situation, Jetinate began to improvise to comfort his best friend, offering him many absurd and impractical ideas. One of them was a thesis topic: "Seasonal migration of possums under global warming."

      The future "doctor of biology" was delighted with this topic, which was suggested to him by a friend. Somewhere far away, in his subconscious and in the boundless gigabytes of his brain, he could not believe that he had not come up with such a brilliant idea himself.

     After saying goodbye to his friend, Oliver Robert Healy was at the nearest zoo in about half an hour to observe the behavior of an opossum in unnatural conditions in real time. But something unthinkable happened there, events that completely changed the worldview and scientific concepts of this "scientist"....

     Not far from the zoo entrance, near the moose enclosure, he saw a group of chimpanzees clutching their heads and waving their arms at the sight of a drunken keeper. It was obvious that they were ashamed of such a relative, who was lying there, covered in vomit, in wet pants. So it seemed like the primates definitely wanted to finish him off so that this character wouldn't suffer anymore and disgrace his "family".

        With a terrible disgust at what he saw, Oliver began to question the entire theory of evolution: "What if these primates were an independent branch of evolution?", "Maybe I can stimulate their cognitive development?", teach some primate complex intellectual skills.... For example, how to play chess?". Brilliant thoughts haunted him. From that moment on, the whale of world science was no longer interested in opossums.

                               * * * * *

                  Part III. Dr. Simone Mori

     Oliver confidently walked towards success, namely, to the office of the director of the Geneva Zoo, Dr. Simone Mori. Marble floors, an exquisite Baroque interior, a Venetian stretch ceiling, and that's not all he saw there.The walls were adorned with Renaissance masterpieces, which Oliver recognized as works by Caravaggio, El Greco, Michelangelo, and even a recently stolen Rembrandt painting from the Louvre, but he was absolutely certain that it was just a copy. The owner of these apartments had excellent taste . . .

     Opening the door abruptly, Oliver saw a smartly dressed man with a Cuban cigar in his mouth, counting and laundering money.

– “Excuse me, I have a business proposal for you!” Oliver said, and then, after a short pause, when the Doc. hid his savings, he continued:

– “I want to buy primates from you for my scientific experiments.” At first, Doc. wanted to set his dog Tarzan on him, who was hungry and gnawing at the soil from a flower pot, but when she heard the advertised price, ten times higher than the market price, progress appeared on Doc’s face. 

– “I’m interested, keep going"

     Oliver wanted healthy and young primates, which he clearly emphasized. Dr. Mori understanding that this is "his client", began to fulfill and realize all his wishes: He wrote off a 50-year-old orangutan that barely showed signs of life, a chimpanzee with various complexes and a concussion, and in addition, as a bonus from the institution, he offered a rare specimen as a gift that kept the entire zoo staff in suspense – the baboon Proximus.

                              * * * * *

                   Part. IV. "Proximus"

      Dr. Simone and Oliver approached the punishment cell where Proximus was temporarily serving his sentence. When the guards opened the metal armored door, a large primate with a long, dog-like muzzle, prominent fangs, and coarse olive-colored fur strode confidently out of it. A Nazi iron cross hung from his hairy neck, black with a white border.

- "What is this suspicious accessory on this primate?" Oliver said in horror.

      Straining his memory, Doc. answered him:

- "This is a trophy . . . One of the members of the Aryan Brotherhood spat into the stream that was in the enclosure of this baboon, thereby defiling its habitat"

- "What happened next?" Oliver asked

- "The baboon climbed over the enclosure and had a lynching"

        After that, Simone Mori decided to tell the story of Proximus.

       Proximus was an ordinary baboon, originally from Central Africa. Once, in search of insects that contained a lot of proteins necessary for his body, the baboon climbed into a transformer booth, where he received several electric shocks. Having survived clinical death, he actively began to progress and develop comprehensively...

       Every Sunday, the baboon would organize sorties from his enclosure to arrange a "safari" on the lions that lived nearby. Zoo staff had to calm the uninvited guest with tranquilizers. The primate was also a great gourmet: if Proximus didn't like the food, he would raid the kitchen to clarify the menu with the chef.

beaten lions after Proximus' visit

      Oliver almost refused to buy the "goods", but Dr. Simone halved the price so as not to scare away the customer. In addition, he promised free express delivery of Proximus and other primates directly to his home.

                               * * * * *

                Part V. The Birth of a Legend

       Oliver settled the primates in his ex's room. Proximus didn't like the apartments, and he occupied a more comfortable room, with a "mother-of-pearl throne", where everyone often went to relieve themselves.

       The next day, Oliver began a long and drawn-out chess mastery course for his new friends.

       As it turned out, the chimpanzee and orangutan were unable to understand the ideas Oliver was promoting on the chessboard. Skipping all the theory, he immediately began explaining his own interpretation of the Sicilian Defense and the London System.

       The orangutan stuffed a whole orange into its mouth, and the chimpanzee could not appreciate the innovations Oliver wanted to enlighten them with. It seemed that the scientific experiments would end before they even began, until Proximus left his cozy apartment in search of provisions.

       At first, the progressive baboon was attracted by the ripe bananas that were a few meters from Oliver's back. But eventually, after watching the "learning process", the olive-haired primate began to burn with noble anger:

- "What disrespect!" thought Proximus. Instead of teaching this game to a higher primate, he teaches it to single-celled...

      Unable to bear this insult, he ran up to the orangutan and hit it several times with his upper limbs. The chimpanzee, who rushed to eat the bananas reserved by the baboon, suffered an even worse fate. Proximus took a pawn from the board and threw it straight into the monkey's skull. The chimpanzee fell to the floor, showing almost no signs of life.

"Proximus"

       Having got rid of his competitors, Proximus sat down opposite Oliver and with a gesture of his right paw made it clear that he was ready to learn... A long and painstaking learning process began.

       That evening, Baboon did not understand anything that Oliver was explaining, but he pretended to be intelligent and nodded his head politely so as not to offend the sensei. The sensei "strained" even more when he saw the noticeable progress in his student's actions. By the end of the day, Proximus had mastered the strategic move e2 - e4, and was able to repeat it about a hundred times.Proximus was very pleased with himself...

                                 * * * * *

                           Part VI. Fiesta

      While Oliver was writing his doctoral dissertation at the speed of light, the baboon spent hours watching the "Gotham chess" YouTube channel and savoring ripe bananas.

      Realizing that his scientific work was doomed to success, he decided to throw a "fiesta" and began actively calling his friends. Riley Welch, Bestor, and the Red King put their plans on hold to honor their friend. Bestor canceled his trip to Venice and took the opportunity to once again hire charming girls from the Democratic Republic of Congo to entertain the "lone wolves." Last time, not only Oliver "appreciated" such an anonymous sponsorship gift, but also Nova Stone. The generous Bestor decided to take care of his friend's fate, since he believed that he was lonely and led a rather ascetic lifestyle.

      The cultural program began with a game of chess that Proximus played with himself. Healy, Bestor, and the Red King, whiskey in hand, applauded the olive-haired primate, who managed to make several confident moves. He even led a knight out of the stable Nc3, and then with the next move Nb1 sent it back no less successfully.

     The frontman of the band "Griffons" Riley Welch at this time entertained the audience by playing the trombone. He repeated "The Godfather" by composer Nino Roth about twenty times, which so pleased the delicate hearing of the primate. Tears began to well up in Proximus' eyes. It seemed that nothing foreshadowed trouble . . .

     The doorbell rang, Bestor got up from his seat and ran to the door to let the girls into the "wolf's den." But on the threshold stood two white beauties, not at all the "chocolate" ones that Bestor had ordered. They were Nova Stone and her friend, judo master Leticia...

    Bestor grabbed Leticia by the waist and immediately blocked several blows with his face and lay down on the floor to rest.

   For the next 5 minutes, nothing interesting happened.The atmosphere was extremely tense, everyone looked at each other, assessing the situation. The baboon froze with a pawn in his hands, his soft olive fur standing on end, either from fear or excessive attention. The dead, grave silence was interrupted by the visit of girls from Africa, who arrived in an interesting dress code: pink miniskirts and red gift bows on their heads...

                               * * * * *

                  Part VII. Nova Stone

        Stone's eyes began to fill with blood. Her terrible, eerie gaze seemed to pierce through the olive fur of the primate. At that moment she looked more like a wild harpy than a blonde. She was choking with anger that had accumulated over the past few days:

- "Oliver Robert Healy, have you ever loved me?"

      The Swiss was one of those men who first speak and then think:

- “Probably not,” sighed Oliver.

     At that moment, a Ming Dynasty porcelain vase, purchased at auction last year, flew at him. The baboon correctly assessed the flight path and at the last moment pulled his friend by the T-shirt... the vase flew further and crashed into the musician's head. Riley fell to the floor and groaned...

      The Red King wanted to solve the problem in a civilized way, but something went wrong. His face was met by Leticia's fist, which turned off his light. This distracting maneuver Proximus used to quietly drag his best friend Oliver into his residence, and firmly barricade himself.

     While Nova Stone tried unsuccessfully to persuade Oliver to open the door, Leticia taught the girls from Africa all the subtleties of etiquette. The prudent Proximus was ready for a long siege. The Baboon approached the "mother-of-pearl throne" and showed Oliver 30 kg of bananas, which he was drying near the "hedgehog" (toilet brush). Oliver was not very pleased with such supplies...

    Proximus continued to show off his provisions. Lifting the lid from the "throne", he began to rinse his mouth and drink "river spring water", enriched with vitamins. Oliver felt sick . . .

    An hour later, wild screams were heard from the blonde's room, where the orangutan and chimpanzee had settled in... Proximus for a moment began to sincerely sympathize with his "distant" relatives, but then it passed . . .

    Some time passed. A quiet, anxious evening came, which seemed like an eternity to Oliver and Proximus. Nova Stone sat quietly, enjoying a strong espresso to keep herself awake. Leticia, finding Oliver's thesis in another room, immediately handed it to the blonde.

     After reading a few sentences, Nova Stone couldn't figure out where the subject and predicate were in the sentences.The text itself lacks logic. In the introduction, the inventive Oliver highly praised the Specialized Academic Council of the University of Munich and his reviewers and opponents: Doctor of Natural Sciences Kevin Smith and Doctor of Biology WGM Jovana Eric, probably so that the defense would have gone better.

     After reading a few pages of this wild text, Nova politely said goodbye to Oliver and promised to come to his dissertation defense, which was to take place in two weeks.

                                * * * * *

                Part VIII. Alekhine's Defense.

     After the stress, Oliver spent the next two weeks intensively teaching Proximus the "English opening". Somewhere far away, deep in his soul, in the secret recesses of his subconscious, he knew: his protégé would have to play not only against GM Jetinate, but also against the blonde.

    GM Diego Jetinate, the first to arrive at the University of Munich to sign autographs for his fans. But as it turns out later, they weren't there. Diego accepted his friend's offer to test a baboon on the occasion of the defense of the thesis. In this way, he wanted to make a powerful advertisement for himself.

    Within an hour, the conference room was packed. In the front rows sat WGM Jovana, Kevin, and half of the academic staff. And somewhere in the back rows, Nova Stone and Leticia watched the proceedings with genuine smiles, as if expecting a complete public fiasco for Oliver.

    Next to Kevin lay Oliver's dissertation, covered in red corrections. This work had one important advantage: it didn't need to be checked for plagiarism. The author had clearly written it from the heart. Jovana was also not thrilled with such memoirs, making notes on the sheet of paper.

      Proximus and Jetinate's entrance onto the stage was met with applause from the audience. The baboon raised its upper limbs and roared, further exciting the fans. No primate had such fame.FIDE judge Vanessa Bristow arrived from New Zealand to officiate this match.

    After a brief exchange of glances, the match began. Diego moved 1.e4, and Proximus immediately responded 1...Nf6.

The grandmaster began to visibly worry, and his face was covered in cold sweat: "Is it true what his friend Bestor told him?", "The Alekhine Defense? Is the primate really playing at the level of stocfish15?".

       2.Nf3, Diego made a hesitant move, and John Tracy's gambit appeared on the board.

       The supreme primate, scratching his fur, drove the horse back to the stable 2...Ng8.

       Diego was quite scared: "Is this vile baboon really going to make fun of me?", "How embarrassing will it be in front of the fans if I lose like this?" Unable to bear the tension, in order not to suffer public shame in case of defeat, he decided to pretend that he was not playing seriously, he did the following: 3. Ng1.

      Proximus kicked the horse out of the stable again, as did Diego. The FIDE judge was more preoccupied with her manicure than with the game of "world-class whales" taking place on the chessboard, so she did not record a draw.

    Only on the 20th move, having finished painting the last flower on her nails, Vanessa recorded a draw. Grandmaster Diego sighed with relief, because he managed to protect his reputation, the progressive baboon was also very pleased with himself. The match, which lasted about 2 hours, was over.

     Nova Stone lost her composure...

                              * * * * *

Part IX. English Opening: Summetrical, Hedgehog Defense

      The blonde felt unwell. Her delicate pale face and bright blue eyes showed fatigue. She seemed to be haunted by a severe hangover that had lasted for more than one day. She had expected to witness Oliver's public humiliation, not this pitiful spectacle. Having questioned the overall outcome of the match, and the talent of the "star Baboon", she offered her services for the better purity of the experiment.

      Oliver was prepared for such a drastic turn of events. For two weeks, he had been hatching a cunning plan to get revenge on his "girlfriend." Not only for the destruction of his apartment, but also for the personnel purges on his phone.On that terrible day, he lost not only the girls' numbers, but also all of their social media contact information. He tried so hard to establish channels of communication.

      Jovana, having finished reading the conclusions of the "powerful" dissertation, where  author sincerely thanks everyone for receiving the title of doctor, made a note: "The old mare's ravings" and invited Stone to the stage.

      Then Oliver began to put his plan into action. As the blonde passed Oliver, who was sitting closer to the front rows, the phone with the Stocfish15 application imperceptibly fell into her bag. The “cunning fox” knew what he was doing.

      Nova Stone was a supporter of the English opening, which Oliver was well aware of.Now everything depended on the talent and acting skills of the baboon Proximus, whom he had been teaching for the last two weeks to use inertial moves in the English opening so that he would last longer than move 4-5. Without realizing it, Proximus had mastered (could reproduce from memory) one of the most complex chess systems - the "Hedgehog System".

     Taking advantage of the opportunity when judge Vanessa was uploading hundreds of her exclusive photos to social media, emphasizing all their sophistication with smiley faces, Proximus, gesticulating with his upper limbs, demonstratively suggested that the blonde play with the white pieces. This caused a storm of applause in the hall, which greatly pleased the primate's strong ego.

The big game began. Stone made the first move . . .

1. c4 c5 — To the blonde's opening move, Proximus responded symmetrically, imitating a fight for the center.

2. Nf3 Nf6 — the cavalry moved.

3. Nc3 e6 — Proximus "prepares" the development of the bishop for further control of the center.

4. g3 b6 — Stone prepares a fiancetto for the white-squared bishop.

5. Bg2 Bb7 — standard development of bishops on the long diagonal. Nova Stone began to worry.

6. O - O Be7 — completion of the kingside development.

7. d4 cxd4 – critical moment: Proximus exchanges the c5 pawn for the central d4 pawn, creating the “Hedgehog” structure. After that, he begins to implement Oliver’s insidious plan.

          Unnoticed by Vanessa, who was busy self-improvement on social media, the primate pulled out a box of dried arthropods and beetles and began to put Oliver's plan into practice.He crunched so much, and savored these useful protein "vitamins", that Stone felt sick. It seemed that the dam would burst, but it desperately held on. Towards the end of the meal, Proximus began to pull out the antennae that were stuck in his teeth, and wiped his upper limbs on his olive fur. Nova Stone felt sick, jumped up, and ran to the women's restroom.
     Seizing the moment, the baboon fell to his knees and began to roar with noble anger, gesturing vigorously to everyone present that the supreme primate was being tricked.
     Everyone thought he had fleas until Oliver enlightened everyone that Proximus suspected his opponent of violating the principles of fair play.
    Vanessa considered the appeal and, together with everyone present, went to the blonde's forced location. They had to wait a long time...
     Finally she came out... the baboon, at Oliver's direction, immediately pointed with his upper limbs to the handbag hanging on the left side near the blonde's belt. Having stuck his paws into this accessory, Proximus demonstratively pulled out the sensei's phone, on the screen of which the "Stocfish15" application was flashing.
     Nova Stone, realizing that she had been cruelly framed, began to realize the full complexity of the situation. It was a catastrophe, because she had been outwitted by some primate . . .

       It seemed that her reputation had faded, but at that moment, a phone rang in the baboon's upper limbs. A suspicious caller was contacting Oliver via the WhatsApp application.Instead of rejecting the challenge, the baboon got confused and did the opposite, showing everyone on the screen "Dulcinea" from Latin America, who had only one sombrero instead of clothes.

       After the words "Hola Oliver" the primate turned off the device, but it was too late. Proximus grabbed his head, feeling "Spanish shame" for his sensei . . . Oliver wanted to run away, but the blonde didn't pity him.

        Having lost the support of his sensei, Proximus could no longer properly oppose the blonde Nova Stone. He carefully placed his king upright on the board, thus honorably admitting his defeat. Approaching Oliver's hiking backpack, Proximus pulled out Hennessy, and leaving the audience, with his head down, went to treat stress.