New Chess Opening? Hippopotamus Defense: Centipede Variation (or Wall/Pendulum Variation

The Hippopotamus Defense is one of the weirdest looking (and named) defense in chess history. It essentially involves pushing pawns and waiting for them to overextend (like the cow) and setting gup traps to attack the center. It also allows for early castling yet the hippo defense is more of a 'system' than a defense.

But you know what's better than the hippopotamus defense? The Hippopotamus defense: Wall Variation!!!!

a3 b3 c3 d3 e3 f3 g3 h3 (or any order that seems the best)

You might be thinking: What is this 500 elo yapping about this is such a bad opening and the analysis bar is going down the more you play.

Hear me out: This defense is also similiar to 'The Cow' popularized by Anna Cramling, it waits for you opponent to overextend and it prevents early knight-king forks and free rooks.

Perfect counter to the scholar's mate, italian game don't you think?

It can be played as a joke opening or something serious, if you do actually want to play it.

As long as you don't play the Botez Gambit, you should be fine!

Just don't play it if you are 300 elo due to not knowing what to do next. Personally, I would move out the knights and bishops to develop them and in this position castling is not a good choice.

Recommended for any 1500 or above rated player.

In conclusion, chess.com please make this a real opening.