The Biblical Pattern Of Reconciliation

by HJS

No marriage or friendship is free of conflict. The history of humanity is an ongoing story of disagreements, which often start over trivial, unimportant issues but escalate to warfare where battlelines are drawn and people fight to their deaths.

The Bible is full of such stories. Cain killed his brother. Jacob cheated Esau out of his birthright. Miriam didn't like her brother Moses getting all the glory in his battle with Pharoah. The disciples were annoyed that the mother of James and John asked Jesus if they could sit at His right hand, and Paul said he withstood Peter to the face because he would have a meal with Gentiles only when no Jews were around.

How do you deal with it?

Step 1: Confront the person who offended you. Attitude is everything. When you approach the issue with humility, your adversary is disarmed.

Step 2: Confess your wrongdoing. "But I haven't done anything!" Possibly, but not likely. "Have you told your husband that you love him and want him back?" I often ask. "Well, he knows that." Not enough. Say it. Write it. Get the message across.

Step 3: Be willing to compromise. Negotiation and compromise are two keys to conflict resolution. Marriage is one big "I do!" with a lot of little "Uh-huhs..." Dogmatic, inflexible individuals who can't bend shouldn't marry. They must learn to compromise if they are to do so.

Step 4: Be quick to forgive and forget. Forgiveness means, "I give up my right to hurt you because you hurt me." With God's help and His grace, you can learn compassion and tenderness and experience His healing, which makes you a more loving, caring person.

Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.  MATTHEW 5:23-24