How to annoy

You don't care about your social life, and you are forced to have a conversation with someone. You want to annoy, confuse, and bewilder the "enemy." Here are my best tips:

1. Take everything as a challenge or argument, even if it isn't possible to do in the context. They say, "I like your shirt," you scream right back at them, "IS THAT A CHALLaeNGE????"

2. Insert random phrases into the conversation. They say: "I like hot dogs." You say a phrase completely out of context, like "I'm sorry for your loss."

3. Remember. Every conversation is a battle. Even if you are just making small talk, you need to make sure no one out talks you and make sure, whatever you do, you win the battle.

4. Awkward pauses. To make a pause awkward, it depends on the situation. Some times it just takes staring at them for 30 seconds (when they aren't taking) and continuing like nothing weird happened. Other times, you can insert a random: "this is awkward," into the conversation, and try as hard as you can to keep it awkward.

5. Redundancies. If you are using a verb and can turn it into a pronoun, do it. for example, instead of saying: "let me talk," say "let me talkitively talk." Or, instead of, "you're being redundant," go for irony and say, "you're being redundantly redundant with your redundancies." Add as many variations of the same word as you can.

Last one: mispronounce. Mispronounce big words like philosophy, colony, and redundancy in a way that is obviously wrong and very funny to say with a straight face.