Feel Better - Penelope Scott
I don't wanna feel better.
No one's ever gonna love me like that again.
I don't wanna get over you. I wanna sit with you in bed.
I don't wanna feel better. I'd give anything to miss you again.
I don't wanna get over it. I wanna get under it instead.
⭑
A book sits on top of clean and messy blankets on a bed that fuckin' creaks at night when I get in it late.
And late at night, I'm chugging Gatorade and someone's breaking up when I crack up because I know I'll never know just what to say.
I'm a communist, a terrorist, an MPDG thot.
Or I'm a sad girl in a dorm room, living out the shady Christian plot of Twilight or The Bible or The Lover by Duras.
Or I'm just really fuckin' selfish and really fuckin' lost.
⚘
But someone loved me, someone fucking loved me.
Someone fucking loved me and I fuckin' loved them too.
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something.
I had my cake. I ate it, it ate me too and, God, no.
I don't wanna feel better.
⭑
We kept our liquor in a suitcase underneath my bed and we drank it to go out or just stay in or to feel sad but in a hot way, a way I'll fuckin' never have again.
The sun has began to set.
I'm a socialist, Marxist, libertarian slut.
I am an awkward teenage virgin and I sort of kinda laugh a lot in bed.
But other times, I cry or don't make noise at all.
I'd give my life to have a room that feels that sm`all.
⚘
'Cause someone loved me, someone fucking loved me.
Someone fucking loved me, I loved them too.
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' earned something.
I had a right to die, a right to live, a right to choose, too.
And God, no! Of course I don't wanna feel better!
Can you fucking imagine?!
No one's ever gonna love me like that again.
I don't wanna get over it.
I wanna rip the stars to shreds.
I don't wanna feel better.
⭑
Of course it hurt, of course it fuckin' hurt. It hurt like nothing in the world sometimes.
That I was super scared, and we were all a train-wreck and also somehow making it.
I think I might've died there twice, and I would do it all again.
I'm a nihilist, a soldier, an OCD-machine.
Or I'm a healthy baby-girl who traded sunshine for disease.
But when my head hit my cheap pillow, I could tell I had a heart.
And I wanna tear this fascist Milky Way apart.
⚘
'Cause someone loved me, someone fuckin' loved me.
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew.
Goddamn it, I was worth something, I fuckin' learned something.
And it felt better in my mouth than fresh warm food.
⚘
I guess I loved you, I guess I really loved you
All my filthy life I loved someone I barely knew.
And now you're over there, and I'm way over here.
What am I gonna do?..
⭑
I don't wanna feel better.
No one's ever gonna love me like that again.
I don't wanna get over you. I wanna sit with you in bed.
I don't wanna feel better.
