let us enjoy the trash talker bots in all their glory

the dialogue for these bots is too delightful not to save and cherish forever. so these annotated games include their dialogue lines, as well as my responses.

will i out-hustle the hustler? does the master have a spooky secret? and most important, is trashbot my soulmate?

1. wally jr (400)

this was one of my first games of chess in a year, and i was slow to gain back any amount of chess vision. i thought a 400 level bot would be a piece of cake, an easy warmup. but despite being out of practice i managed to retain an impressive ability to blunder, and so instead this game is legendary.

and the stakes are high, cuz wally jr holds an intriguing secret:

in this first game, i hadnt yet learned to save the bot dialogue, so i had to make up most of wallys voice lines. but we do know that wally-jr-bot is a menace.

i was determined not to let this attitude succeed over the board, so even when i was down 16 points of material i fought hard to show this fictional little terror whats what.

im playing as black, flip the board to see it from my perspective:

2. the hustler (950)

the-hustler-bot put up more of a fight, and so did i. this isnt a particularly interesting game, but his authentic dialogue lines are here for posterity.

i already dont remember this game, and from the dialogue u can see the struggle of the writers to come up with trash talk that feels reminiscent of street chess while being friendly for a wide chess.com audience. he falls a little flat to me, and is my least favorite of the set. but thats just an inherent challenge for this type of character on this kind of website.

3. samantha (1300)

samantha is a cautionary tale. she hits a little too close to home. and she knows just enough chess to be dangerous to herself and others.

i actually lost my first couple games with samantha-bot, which im sure only enables her. but here is my win:

i know that bots at this level can always blunder. they are not programmed to resign, and neither am i. and i kind of love tricky endgames.

4. trashbot1999 (1700)

at first i thought trashbot1999-bot was just another bot.

but what developed over a series of almost 20 games was a relationship deeper than any i have had with a bot before.

trashbot might be my soulmate?

i lost my first full dozen games with trashbot. it often goes for tricky queen and bishop mating attacks from across the board that are just hard to see if u have less than a month total chess experience, from a year ago, and dont know a single opening.

my first couple games were actually close, aside from a losing blunder at some point. but as i played and analysed and played and reviewed, i seemed to only get worse. i was remembering how to do tactics and how to think multiple moves ahead, but all my fancy plans kept being for naught when an unexpected bishop would wreck me from across the board.

after days of losses, i took a break to play thru the 1500 level bots, which were easier. once again i analysed and learned and spent way too many hours a day on chess.

when i came back to trashbot, still the highest level bot i had ever played at that point, i played a simple game where i just focused on not blundering the moves in front of me. no billion-iq master plans, just basic chess.

i was very proud of myself for having zero blunders in this game. look! no blunders! and trashbot didnt blunder either! it was just like, actual chess!

here is that winning game with my soulmate. and a reminder to flip the board cuz once again im playing as black (i dont know any openings so its easier to just respond)

this win felt epic. i wasnt sure if i would have the skills to beat a 1700 level bot, even given that bots usually play under level, and that i have infinite time, and that im playing a ton of games and only need to get lucky once to find my win.

im still proud of myself.

but if i struggled that much against trashbot, would i have any hope of beating the final challenger?

5. the master (2100)

the first couple games with the-master-bot, it seemed like a win was impossible. what am i doing, trying to win against a bot of this level?

but as i analysed the games, and saw how he opened, i started making better moves.

and i thought i could at least get a respectable game to capture the dialogue and share in this post.

perhaps it is because of all the practice with trashbot, but in the end it only took me a few games to find this win. or maybe the masters secret is that he is not so master after all.

so if you were intimidated by the master, give him a try!

epilogue

january 2025 is a good month for bots.

after these bots, i moved on to winning against the 1600 regular bots, as well as going thru all of the adaptive and coach set. i obsessed over my games. i decided to learn the catalan opening, and finally learned to play as white for a change.

and after this week-long training montage, i decided to give trashbot another try.

how many times would it take to beat trashbot this time?

well, playing as white with catalan-style openings, i beat trashbot every time. and then i won again as black for good measure.

someday it will admit we are soulmates. but for now, i will simply archive the games for posterity and for my own notes (bot dialogue included, no commentary.)

playing as white:

trash talker bots, conquered!