setting up a real chessboard for the first time

i wonder if this moment has happened to a lot of players who started online?

u get ur first chessboard, go to set it up for the first time, and realize: wait a second, have i ever actually done this before? or did the computer always take care of it?

well, i just got my first real chess set and realized u dont have to memorize the order, u can figure it out if u know what makes the pieces happy.

for example. on an empty board rooks have the same number of move options no matter where they start. and they always have a choice of directions they could go.

unlike a bishop. imagine if bishop started in the corner. it would have only one direction it can move in, and that would make it sad.

so the rooks arent mad about being in the corners to start. the rook is magnanimous and lets the more diagonally pieces have more central spots where theres more potential moves within ur own territory. and the rook knows it might have the opportunity to castle, so it doesnt mind waiting around in the corner for a bit.

notice how the bishops dont start with any lines that would hit the enemy starting position. if they wanna go on the offense its gonna take a minute and they might have to zigzag, so they should probably let a couple other pieces go first. cuz theres no direct attacks right away, the opening has a chance to get more complex before everyone is just fighting each other.

pawns can go either one or two spaces forward on their first turn. if they started behind stuff then they would be sad pawns that feel trapped and useless, like this:

pawns dont have a lot going on for them so u gotta let them have what they got. otherwise u risk a pawn uprising. give them a spot where any pawn could move 2 spaces on the first turn in a completely equal system. 

let them dream. they dont know that im gonna always start with the e pawn anyway.

last week when i was learning about how to start a game the lesson said that it is better to move the knight toward the center where it is powerful, and not the edge where it has few options.

well, theres only one starting spot where the knight could get to the edge on its first move. 

historically being a knight is supposed to have a moral component. it is important that the knight could start the game with two different choices where one is good and one is bad. it shouldnt take the bad choice, so the good choice might not seem like much of a choice at all. but it still is a choice nonetheless, and so that is how the knight can show its honorable and heroic.

oh, heres where we should mention the orientation of the board, because it matters for this next part. u gotta look at the bottom corner squares and remember that white is right and left is bleft.

the orientation matters cuz now the last two squares in the middle, for the king and queen, are a white square and a black square. 

so in which order do they go? 

in mathematical theory it doesnt matter as long as its the same on both sides, but there is an arbitrary rule for it that everyone follows because it is important for the rules to be consistent.

the way the queen was explained to me was that the black queen wears a black dress and black shoes, and the white queen wears a white dress and white shoes. the queen must wear the correct color shoes to match the board, because otherwise she will get dresscoded and have to pay a fine. so the white queen stands on the white square and the black queen on the black square. 

what about the king? is he allowed to go on the remaining square, even tho his outfit doesnt follow the dress code?

yes

and that is how you set up the chess board without using a computer to cheat!