Trump Live-Tweets The GM Blitz Battle Championship?

Trump Live-Tweets The GM Blitz Battle Championship?

MikeKlein
FM MikeKlein
Oct 17, 2016, 2:07 PM |
45

"We'll make [trade] deals. But this is a complex deal with many countries. You have to see the arrows all over the place...You have to be like a grand chess master, and we don't have any of them." -- Donald J. Trump, October 10, 2016 in Ambridge, Pennsylvania.

With the Grandmaster Blitz Battle Championship Finals coming up on at 10 a.m. Pacific on October 27, 2016, here's how the U.S. Republican Presidential Candidate is expected to live-tweet the event.

9:54 a.m. "I'm hearing from people that Magnus is on something. Did you see him in his opening match against Petrosian? Guy was definitely moving too fast not to have any help."

9:58 a.m. "Before we get started, let just say that yes, the wall will keep Mexican grandmasters out too. Some of them, I suppose, are good at chess. But they'll have to come in the legal way."

10:01 a.m. "Chess 960? Look at how those pieces are set up. Typical Crooked Hikaru."

10:06 a.m. "This guy Magnus talks better than most Americans. Look, the problem is easy. We've outsourced the world champion. We can't even do that anymore. We don't make anything anymore."

10:14 a.m. "Basket of deplorables? Did you see those middlegame moves by Carlsen? Ivanka could have played better, I tell you that."

10:19 a.m. "Do you see how the corrupt media isn't talking about these openings, which are bad for chess, and bad for America!"

10:27 a.m. "Another draw? When I'm elected, we're going to win. We don't win anymore. We only draw. In a few months, you may get bored with how much we're winning."

10:35 a.m. "In the chat somebody asked if I liked MVL. He lost. I don't like losers. The French always lose. Just like Nakamura's center pawns. They're always captured. Such losers."

10:41 a.m. "The Berlin again? My wall is better. I'm highly trained. I know lots of openings. The best openings. If these guys need help with their openings, they should call my office."

11:04 a.m. "I'm back. Had to declare bankruptcy again. I know laws, which is very smart!"

11:04:30 a.m. "Look at Magnus' hair. Very fake. I love my hair, very natural. People tell me they just love my hair."

11:05 a.m. "Bishop for knight? I don't like these trades they are making. I make the best trades. We're going to think about making great trades, and make many of them, I am telling you."

11:17 a.m. "Sometimes I don't even wait for my turn. I grab them by the pawn. When you're a celebrity you can do that."

11:30 a.m. "The five-minute section is over. I once closed a deal in five minutes. It was tremendous I can tell you. People love my deals."

11:37 a.m. "Magnus' grandmother said he was born in Sweden. I'm being told, from people, tremendous people, that Sweden is not in Norway. Can Magnus prove he was born in Norway? I don't know."

11:50 a.m. "This is the problem with Hikaru. All computers, no team helping him. Is he making jobs for anyone? No. I'm making plenty of jobs. 10,000 jobs. We're going to have the best jobs. Ask anyone."

11:59 a.m. "If the U.S. doesn't win the Blitz Battle, it's rigged. Keep an eye on the arbiters, keep an eye on FIDE. Report what you see!"

12:08 p.m. "Look at that commentator. What's his name? Danny? He's doing Crossfit? I don't care, I don't care. He looks bigger than before. BAD DIET!"

12:19 p.m. "I've played much better blitz than these guys, that I can tell you. I can't release my database, as you know I'm being audited. But after I win, you'll see how great my database is."

12:21 p.m. "Danny said my pawns are small, so something else must be small. Look at these pawns, they look good to you? Melania likes my pawns. There's no problem anywhere, I guarantee. I guarantee."

12:30 p.m. "Now they're playing bullet. You know who needs a bullet? All these haters. So many haters in my life. Telling LIES. Don't believe them. Whatever they say, NOT TRUE!"

12:44 p.m. "This battle is going on forever. I didn't vote for this battle. Check my record. Always against it. Knew it would be bad. People need to listen to me!"

12:49 p.m. "Is that bishop invading White's queenside? We can't trust these outsiders. We need extreme vetting for bishops. Do you want them just diagonally coming in? Not me!"

1:00 p.m. "Well it's all over. I predicted this outcome. I predict everything. I'm the best predictor. I knew Crooked Hikaru would say he's eating sushi for dinner. That's raw fish! Not American!"

1:01 p.m. "Who won? If I'm elected, both Magnus and Hikaru will have won with my new tax plan."

1:07 p.m. "Everyone's saying they're going to play Crazyhouse now, 3-checks. No one plays chess anymore. When I get elected, we're going to Make Chess Great Again!"