Chess makes me sad

When I play chess I always make the stupidest and most illogical mistakes and plays ever. Watching my game reviews is sometimes like a horror movie. Maybe its my adamant refusal to actually study theory, opening, or any form of chess logic. However, I've peaked at whatever chess skill I'll ever get. I guess it's like repeatedly slamming wooden boards together until you can make a mediocre excuse of a shelf. Similarly, I've simply stumbled my way through repeatedly bashing my head into a chess board to whatever sad level I'm at now and I will never surpass this. When I play chess I am immensely saddened when I am brutally destroyed and devastated by a random dude from India. But then I turn off my phone and go back to life. I have a love hate relationship with chess. Mainly hate, I lose so much and it hurts a lot.