I Felt No Fear. I Shot For The Moon And My Rocket Exploded
Dec 9, 2022. Hart House, University of Toronto campus. A scrawny, middle-aged woman is battling with the building’s heavy front door to get in. She is here on a mission - to compete in the Hart House’s Holidays Open tournament. This woman has been working relentlessly for the past 3 months, revamping her entire opening repertoire. And she is exhausted. The massive effort she put in, the sacrifices she made, the much-needed rest she relinquished - all of that just to get to a point where she can feel confident in her play. And it is time to put her new knowledge to practice. But let me, the writer of this mini novella, tell you – this is one badass woman! Instead of competing in the U1900 section, for her rating is 1822, the woman plays up a section to face the stronger U2200 players. She is here to fight tough battles. She is here to roar! She is also, the lowest-rated player in that section. Will she win any games?
Tournament Info
WHERE: Great Hall, Hart House, University of Toronto
WHEN: December, 9th, 10th, 11th
SCHEDULE: Friday the 9th at 6:30pm, Saturday the 10th at 10:00am & 4:00pm, Sunday 11th at 10:00am & 4:00pm
TIME CONTROL: 90 minutes + 30 seconds increment from move 1
STYLE: 5 Round Swiss split in 6 rating sections – Crown (2200+), Under 2200, Under 1900, Under 1600, Under 1300, Under 1000 Sections
Oh, look! There she is, standing innocently in her little tulip skirt, holding on tightly to the last years of her youth. For once she hits 40, there will soon be no more little skirts and, possibly, no more vigorous fighting on the chessboard. It will all be downhill from there. But until then – she wants to get the most out of her evaporating youth and striking energy!
The woman goes by her name “Olya.” Although, some innocent souls call her “Olga.” It’s the same name. They just don’t know that she doesn’t like to be called Olga. And those with less innocent souls will call her Olga only when they are mad at her.
ROUND ONE
The pairings are up! Let’s see what’s in store for our Heroine…
The woman walks up to the pairings and shrieks in horror! The pairings are as follows:
After the initial shock passes, does our woman go home to get the much-needed beauty sleep before the next round? Hell no! Quickly, she darts to the tournament organizers and in one breath exhales the following dreadful symphony: “Hi, I have a bye this round; I did not request a bye; I put all this effort into organizing child care arrangements back home; I drove like a maniac all the way across the city, risking a speeding ticket to get here; I just consumed a ton of dark chocolate, green tea, and energy bars and I get a bye? What am I supposed to do with all the caffeine running through my system now? No, no, no, I cannot go home with a bye. I know there is nothing you can do about the odd number of players in my section, but I am not, NOT, going home without a proper game tonight. For if I am, this will go on my blog!” she says the last sentence like a threat. This will go on my blog!
Baffled, Shawn, one of the tournament organizers replies, “Don’t worry, you get a full point for this, not a half.”
“I am not here to collect free points,” the woman continues shouting, “IamheretofightandIamnotleavinguntil….”
“Ok, ok, I understand. If I don’t find anyone for you, I will play you myself. I’m a national master.”
This calms the woman down, and she is quiet, at last, for a few minutes. She notices the kindness and compassion in Shawn’s eyes. Thank-you Shawn!
But, there is a man in the Crown (highest) section, who also got a bye for same reason and the woman is paired up with him, “for fun”. This game won’t count toward anything. It’s just to satisfy her chess cravings. It’s an energy-release outlet, really. Inderjit has recently immigrated to Canada from India. Back home, he’s been competing in tournaments for 12 years. Although that was 8 years ago. And who knows better than our woman what it is like to come back to competitions after such a long break?
Inderjit plays too fast in the opening and gets into trouble:
Caption: Inderjit with Olya
This was a nice warm-up game, but the woman is still hungry for more! She walks over to Shawn and says: “May I have the honour to play a National Master, please?” Shawn nods and off they go to play three rapid games of which the woman wins one! “You’re far better than your rating,” Shawn tells her and compliments her on her play. But the best of the compliments was his: “Are you a student here?” The woman feels young! “Oh, I get that a lot,” she wants to say. But instead … instead she whispers: “I was a student 18 years ago …and not here.” And just like that, in an instant, she feels old. 18 years!! Where did the time go?
ROUND 2
A week before the tournament, the woman calls her Cuban coach, Fanny Duarte: “Hola Fanny! There is a tournament I want to play in, but I don’t know what to play for white’s 1.d4. I’m scrapping my King’s Indian Defense. And I’m overwhelmed by learning the Chebanenko Slav. What to do?” The Cuban replies: “Book a lesson with me tomorrow and I’ll get you ready.”
I must note that choosing and learning new openings was like shopping for shoes. This one is too big (Chebanenko Slav), that one is uncomfortable (French Defense), this one hurts (Pirc Defense), that one is not my style (Caro-Kann). And at the end of trying all of these openings, the woman was still left empty-handed.
The following morning our Heroine dials her coach: “Fanny, you’ve got ONE hour to teach me everything I need to know about 1.d4!” And Fanny pulls it off! He sends her a 9-chapter study of Black’s best defense lines and walks her through them. Really, it was incredible! Well done Fanny! Within a week of examining the study, the woman gets her confidence to play for Black. The shopping is finally complete! “And if you get tired,” her coach advises, “don’t forget the Red Bull!”
And here it comes - 1. d4:
Not too bad, for playing the Slav for the first time, eh? I must say, Vitaliy, is grossly underrated here. He had just come to Canada from Ukraine and said his rating over there was 2300+. So, the two seemingly small positional mistakes that the woman made here were more than enough for Vitaliy to capitalize on and win. The mistakes were:
1. 12 … h6 move. Too slow. Playing 12 … a6 would have been much stronger, securing the b5 pawn and preparing c5 push, asap!
2. 15 … Bd4 move. Exchanging the dark squares bishops was a bit premature. And everything after that just slowly degraded.
ROUND 3
This next game - is what the woman came here for! It is full of fight, fire and chances for both sides. It’s the rare game that gives her those sudden knots in her tummy. A sign of … distress? It was close combat and both rivals fought like lions. Unfortunately, our woman didn’t pace herself properly. By move 19 she had only forty minutes left her the clock. By move 35, thirteen. And by the time she played her final mistake, move 35. Qxe4 instead of 35. Qxf7 with equal position, the woman had just two (!!) minutes left on her clock.
This is the game our Heroine always wanted to play. Did you feel the heat of its fire?
But after this game, something inexplicable happened. The woman just “died” on the chessboard. This battle knocked all the wind out of her. Was it the intensity? The time pressure? Or, the fact that EVERYTHING she had been working so hard for, finally paid off in the way she played … and still, she didn’t win. Perhaps, it was the realization that she may not have the strength to carry through till the end of the tournament. Or did she aim too high by playing in the U2200? Perhaps, perhaps she should go home and just be a Mom-On-a-Break. Move on with her life like it was before, before all of this chess happened to her this year.
As the woman drove home that evening, her husband texted her: “Hugs! Please be super, super quiet coming in. I’ve been spending the last 45 minutes getting the girls to stay in their beds. Not quite asleep but they are FINALLY almost there.” Only readers with little kids will understand why the woman laughed at this message. She’s been on the kids’ bedtime duty (and most other duties!) for straight 8 years now. No matter how exhausted or sick she was. But tonight … tonight she was free. And when she will come home that evening, the chime of the front door opening will alert the semi-asleep kids. They will instantly jump out of their beds and run to greet her with excitement. And daddy, poor hard-working daddy, would have to do it all over again! While the woman will head straight to her bed, secretly laughing.
ROUND 4
Just like James Bond, who dies a terrible death and then reappears alive and sexier than ever, the woman resurfaces in her fourth round. Alive, but weary-looking. She plays another excellent game and there is no doubt in her mind that playing in the U2200 was the right choice.
A very interesting moment in this game is on move 14. The woman thought long and hard about playing the 14. … Bh2. 15. Rf8 Bg7 16. Bf3 BxR line, winning the exchange. However, she didn’t like White’s dominant white squared bishop on the open diagonal. She thought White had enough compensation. Instead, the woman played the more solid 14. … Rc8 keeping the initiative. She was very proud of herself for this choice. Unfortunately, in trying so hard to maintain the initiative, she ends up losing it with one mistake.
Another interesting psychosocial moment, here. She thought by move 34 that she had hopelessly lost the game. But there is always hope, people! Always. And 34 … Ng5 was equalizing the game! But she was far too “lost” in her mind to notice this. That’s where the woman lacks the much-needed experience!
ROUND 5
Exhausted, crushed, depleted, and on her last breath, the woman doesn’t know where to find the strength to play her last round. Withdrawing is not an option. So, she consumes her version of Red Bull (green tea + dark chocolate) and comes to the battlefield. But she can no longer fight. She just tries to maintain equilibrium with a bogus pawn push on the king’s side.
Caption: Last battle. The woman plays white on board 19. Photo Credit: Olga Mushtaler
And then blunders on move 28. It’s game over. And with that, the woman “falls” on the battlefield, barely breathing.
When the game ended, her child-opponent asked: “Are you a MomOnaBreak on chess.com?” The woman confirms. “I wrote a school assignment based on one of your blogs,” he says. “Woah,” she thought. “Good to know.”
It’s not the first time a child tells her he read her blogs. Our woman is happy to know that her blogs are being enjoyed by adults AND children alike. Amazing!
Speaking of kids. Two of her little “friends”, child opponents from the Canadian Open 2022, were also competing here. Every now and then one of them would start a chit-chat with her. Every now and then, the other would walk over and check on her games in progress. He would try to catch her gaze and reward the woman with the warmest, most sincere and reassuring smile! #CutenessOverload She will now, from a distance at such tournaments, watch these young boys grow into splendid, solid men, maybe masters, maybe grandmasters, while the woman, will slowly age and wither into a snowy-haired old lady.
But, forgive me, I digressed.
With the completion of the last round, the woman officially has lost ALL of her games! (The fake round one doesn’t count!). Never, NEVER, has this happened to her in the past. But, dear readers, please do not feel bad for our little woman. She got almost everything she wanted from this tournament. Tough, really tough games; games full of vigour, danger, and fire for both sides; an opportunity to just sit and think for hours on end; a chance to practice her new openings; the experience, the knots in her tummy, the adrenaline rush, the zest for chess, new friendships and re-connection with old friends. Everything. She got everything. Except ... she really, really thought she could win a game or two in the U2200 section.
Why such confidence? Well, in casual, rapid games, she managed to beat not one, but three different national masters this year. In casual, rapid games she regularly beats 1900+ rated players. But of course, causal and rapid games are far different from tournament games.
100 years ago, people didn’t know if they could fly to the moon. They tried and failed many times before they succeeded. Same here. The woman shot for the moon, but her rocket exploded at takeoff. And that’s ok. She tried, she experienced, she learned …
And with these words, I can assure you, my dear readers, that the woman will now take a solid break from chess and her studies. She will finally get her well-deserved rest and will take good care of herself. This time, a true Mom On a Break!
And then … one day … she’ll be back! Stronger and louder than ever!
Parting Notes
It’s easy to write about success stories. It is much harder to share your failures with the world. But I am doing this because I know there are players who walk out of tournaments with zero points. I want them to know – you are not alone! We are not alone. Zero points are better than no points. So just remember that. And keep firing your rockets to the moon!
