A year (or two) later in the life.

So what happened to little old me? I went on a tirade about sexism in chess and disappeared. Hm. Well, life happened. I realized how incredibly unlikely it was that I would become the next chess champion of the world, but I guess none of that makes me that different from most men or women that play.

I didn't start playing chess seriously till I was in high school. I started for many reasons, chief among to prove something to myself. I set a goal and I achieved it. I beat the petty man who dared to challenge me on the basis of my gender. I don't regret it for a second.

The comments on my original post were endless. To be perfectly frank, I really didn't read them. I'm not so naive to think that I can change the world by combating people in the comments section. My post was about me feeling frustrated with a world that continually belittles women. We still have separate titles for women. We still don't have a female chess champion of the world. I still get harassing messages. People still think my account is fake just because I have a profile picture of a woman (me).

Sometimes, it all makes me laugh. Comedy is born out of the absurd. It is absurd that there is a large amount of people on chess.com who think that women suck at chess. It is absurd that people think I had a pro player whispering me moves in my headphones. It is absurd that people proposition me on chess.com, a website clearly not set up to made for great hookups (I recommend Grindr if you're looking for that).

It would be so hilarious if it didn't have a lasting impact on young women and girls that want to play chess. Maybe you don't care about me. Maybe you think I'm just an attention seeker. But I challenge you to think back to your last interaction with a woman who played chess (assuming you've even had one). Did you talk to her? Did you include her? Did you really treat her like "one of the guys"? What does that even mean? Have you ever even considered that it might be intimidating to walk into a room full of men without a single female face in sight? What would you do if you were a woman who was cornered in the bathroom at a chess tournament? Did you say something when your female teammate was being aggressively sexually harassed? Were you the harasser?

I've seen it all. I know it is real. In my mind, if I talk about my experiences it gives me my power back. My experiences are not just my own. Women play chess and they win, but abuse is also happening. I won't stay silent and I am not ashamed. #metoo