An Unpleasantness Among Us

Apr 15, 2008, 6:29 AM |

They're here -- skeezy Chess-Lounge Lizards hot and bothered by the idea of mating female chess players.  If you breath deeply enough, you can catch a whiff of their odor -- a disturbing mixture of cheap cologne, cheese doodles and abject desperation.  Like moths to a flame (or perhaps more appropriately, like sloths to a barcalounger), they are drawn to members here sporting feminine names and even more so – of course – to those at the site with avatars featuring women.


Many of these prowlers are disco-era throwbacks, trolling the site like so many paunchy businessmen at a two-drink-minimum watering hole on a Saturday night.  They HAVE to be – what other type would attach any sort of sexual element to finding someone to play chess with online?  One can almost hear the crinkle of their Member’s Only jackets as they tap on their keyboards after finding a female target, trying to come up with clever titles for game challenges.  Then comes the in-game banter – pathetically sad overtures.  Hard to imagine the Leisure Suit Larrys can play chess at all, what with their monitors fogged up from their heavy breathing.


Note to the entrepreneurs among us: is a gold mine waiting to happen; throw in a year’s supply of de-lousing solution for every paying member and you’ll be a zillionaire in about four minutes.