opening stereotypes and which opening to play for dummmies xx
Stereotypes in chess openings and how to choose the right opening(s)
When you start playing chess you get introduced to a ton of cool sounding opening variations and theres so many of them that it might be hard to decide which one to invest time into and play in your own games. When choosing an opening and building an opening repertoire its important to take into consideration your own character and the characteristics of the openings. For example when you are a shy introvert you probably should not start playing gambits and would rather hang onto every bit of material on the board. Or when you are a badass with sunglasses and black leather jacket you shouldnt play pussy openings like the english (1.c4) unless you want to lower your standards or confuse the opponent (topic: chess psychology). Or when you wanna play for a win and like fighting chess you should hide from most opening variations that have the word „exchange“ in it. Exceptions in that case would be the exchange variation of the QGD or the exchange variation in the french which can be used as a psychological weapon (the boring french player will get triggered if you dont go into his main frenchising).
Lets start with some human characteristics:
Human Character:
are you
- a badass or a shy introvert?
- adventurous or boring?
- confident or insecure?
- playing for a win at all cost or fine with a draw as long as u dont lose?
- playing the board or the opponent?
- an attacker or a defender?
- strategic or tactical?
- old af or a youngster or in your midlife crisis?
As you may have noticed these were just some random questions but try to dig deep into yourself and find out who you really are. Meditate on it for 30 minutes starting …now!
Before we get to the opening names lets start by categorizing them. As White you have the choice between multiple first moves and remember, one move by itself is usually not shameful or amazing, the combination of moves makes the deal. For example you could start with 1.d4 and depending on your next couple moves be a honorable player with morality and standards or you could be a drug addict or you could be 70 years old (at least on the inside). Same with 1.e4. There is crazy lines after
1.e4 that have not much to do with sound chess and can therefore only safely be played by psychopaths but then there is lines that are reasonable and make every chessplayers heart light up for a second. Same goes for 1.Nf3 which can transpose to either the good or the bad stuff. One exception to the rule that multiple moves make the deal and that one move by itself isnt bad is the so called English opening (1.c4). While their language is great and used in this article, their chess opening can only be recommended if you want to make your opponent fall asleep and forgot your chloroform at home or when you try to annoy your opponent on purpose or if you are at least 60 years old and tired of main lines, or if you lost all your self confidence in third class on the schoolyard.
Now lets list some of the common chess openings you will encounter and play yourself once you get into this bori-.. i mean exciting game.:
Chess Openings:
White:
- 1.c4, the English opening. Opening is the wrong word in this case, its more like youre closing the gates for any opportunity of anything fun ever happening in the game. As said before i only recommend this opening to elderly people or to cholerics as a form of mindful meditation. I wouldnt expect too many wins (unless on time) when playing this opening but youre probably gonna get quite a lot of draws. So if your personality fits this then by all means go for 1.c4.
- 1.d4 d5 2.c4 , the Queensgambit. This is truly the noble knight under the 1.d4 openings. Your second move signals that you have integrity and value the boardgame youre playing. This opening can be played in strategic ways as well as tactically ( exchange variation with longcastle and harakiri on the kingside). You can think of these moves like a drug deal. First you go 1.d4 which is like hello whats up. Your opponent, the client, answers 1…d5 which says i would like to buy some of your stuff. Then you can decide, do i wanna sell him something and make it a good deal, which would be playing 2.c4 or do i wanna ruin the situation and let it escalate by playing something annoying like 2.Bf4 or 2.Nc3? That would be equivalent to giving your client candies instead of drugs, its not what he wants and he will lose all respect.
- 1.d4 d5 2.Bf4 the London opening. The opening named after the capital of england is no less boring than the opening named after england itself. There are only 2 reasons you would wanna play this opening. Either you are 69 years old and drive a rollator or you watched too many recent Magnus Carlsen games. Anyways, if you want to avoid main lines and dont look in the mirror for 3 days you could try this opening as a surprise weapon or play it every now and then. If you like it boring and easy to learn then the London is for you.
- 1.d4 d5 2.Nc3 the Veresov. People that play this opening are truly scary. Either they are verified psychopaths or have so much freetime that they learned the opening out of boredom. Either way its objectively not very dangerous and similar to the London in the sense that you avoid the main lines. If you just escaped prison or youre a madman with the urge to attack this opening is for you.
- 1.d4 d5 2.c4 -3.g3 the Catalan opening. Fancy name, fancy moves, for the sophisticated gentleman. This classy opening will never ruin your reputation and is ideal if you like strategic battles and long lasting pressure on your opponent both on the board and in his head. You need to learn some theory if you wanna play this and a couple more braincells than London Players.
- 1.d4 d5 2.e4 the Blackmar Diemer Gambit. Named after the pirate and sociopath Blackmar this opening is another rollercoaster. If you just came back from Oktoberfest at 3 am this is the opening you would play. In classical chess this line can only be recommended if you lost a bet to someone and are forced to play it or if you have no fear of death.
- 1. b3 Larsens opening named after Bent Larsen. This shy little move is not completely without venom although nothing serious. You can play it if the morning coffee wasnt strong enough to fully wake you up yet or if you smoked a joint and are feeling very chill. The third reason why would be if you once again wanna avoid big theory and like the early pressure of your bishop on the long diagonal.
- 1.f4 Birds opening named after a bird. Like a bird its very innocent looking while also having some exotic elements to it. If you answer 1.f4 e5 with 2.e4 youre a verified psychopath but if that isnt your plan and you truly enjoy unorthodox positions 1.f4 might not be the worst idea. Its black counterpart is the dutch opening 1.d4 f5 so you could combine these 2 quite well. - 1.g4 grobs attack. Made for players that enjoy gambling. You flip a coin and hope ur opponent doesnt know the ´refutation´.
Black:
- 1.e4 c5 the Sicilian opening. Popularized by the sicilian gladiators that fought many hard battles with this line. The definition of a boss opening, showing 0 respect and a 100 percent will to win the game even as black. If it isnt a battle of who remembered more moves of theory the game will usually be decided by who is the better attacker/defender. Pieces will fly through the air, combinations will occur and if you havent opened ur tactics book in 2 weeks you will lose (unless your opponent hasnt opened it in 3 weeks). Play this opening if you need to win or if you are a crazy mofo or if you wanna attack or be attacked (maybe thats your thing).
- 1.e4 e6 the French opening. The word retreat is your mantra. Probably the worlds most hated chess opening. Nobody likes to play against it and even the people that play it are often very miserable and only play it to spread their misery. Playing 1…e6 after 1.e4 is the ultimate disrespect at the chessboard. Psychologically you prepare your opponent for a unfun experience. The only psychological counter would be 3.exd5, the exchange variation which can be like a uno reverse card to french abusers. It illustrates to them that if they wanna play boring stuff you can make it even more boring. Positionwise the french opening can be compared to a bunker. Close all gates in the center, dont let any light in and then hope to win the war of attrition. If all this still hasnt convinced you to not pick up the french opening then you should pick it up, its an opening made for you!
- 1.e4 c6 the Caro Kann opening. Named after Dschingis Kann, the king of the mongols. This opening can truly be used to conquer the chessboard. Unlike in the french you actually respect your light squared bishop and give it the free space it desperately wants and needs. Strategic battles in a couple typical pawn structures will be ur bread and butter.
- 1.e4 e5 the open games. Made for respectable fellas with culture and decent social skills. Open on the board and open minded in the heart, players of 1…e5 have nothing to hide (except the skeletons in the closet). If you like open battles and chances for both sides like in the sicilian but with a bit more safety this is the move for you.
- 1.e4 Nf6, the Alekhine opening. If you are hyperactive and want your horse to go on a little early morning ride this is the line youd wanna go for. Dont try this if you need to improvize the next 10 moves or you will be lost faster than a cat jumps the tree. If youre feeling
adventurous sit in your basement for a week and study the theory intensely then you can play this rodeo opening.
- 1. E4 Nc6, 1.e4 f5, 1.e4 b6 1.e4 g6 → flip a coin, maybe u wont be lost after 10 moves. 
-1.d4 f5 the dutch opening. Invented in a little attic room in amsterdam after an alarming amount of fresh weed was consumed. This opening is not as chill as its inventors. Recommended to attacking and unorthodox players that like it when they dont fall asleep during the game and only after the game because of extensive calculations. If you need a place to let your aggressions out, do it with this opening. 
-1.d4 c5 / 1.d4 Nf6 2.c4 c5 , the Benoni. Named after a chinese dragon that instead or fire would spit venom. The opening is not as venomous as the dragon but surely has some tricks in store. Similar tot he dutch its a uncompromising opening although you are in serious risk of losing the game longterm because of your dubious benoni pawn structure. Only recommended if you have nothing to lose or your opponent hasnt looked into a opening theory book since his childhood. 
-1.d4 c5 2.c4 c5 3.d5 b5 the Wolga aka Benko aka almost refuted gambit. A positonal pawn sacrifice which gives in combination with the bishop on g7 strong pressure against whites queenside. If white read Avrukhs books on 1.d4 you might have a problem, if he didnt the Wolga can be a very serious weapon to beat up (lower rated) players or dyslexics.
-1.d4 Nf6 2.c4 g6 3.Nc3 Bg7 the Kingsindian defense. Named after a indian king. Only play this opening if attack is your lifestyle and if forward is the only direction you know. Some people call the Kingsindian the Anti-french opening because of that reason. Some of chesses most beautiful games were played in this opening, try it out if youre crazy enough and maybe we will add your game tot he collection. But be careful, you must be decisive in your actions or you will lose the game longterm. Mate or die slowly is the story with the kingsindian.
-1.d4 Nf6 2.c4 g6 3.Nc3 d5 the Grunfeld Defense. The tame brother of the kingsindian. More positional, more solid and more calm. Basically the Kingsindians potency after the viagra ran out. Anyways, this opening is extremely respectable and played at the highest levels. Downside are the 1000000 pages of theory you must learn to play this opening well. If you dont wear glasses right now youll definitely wear them after reading the grunfeld defenses opening theory. 
-1.d4 Nf6 2.c4 e6 3.Nc3 Bb4 the Nimzoindian defense named after Mister Nimzowitsch, the guy that wrote my system, a book about his system. This opening was revolutionary back then as the bishop pair was always considered to be dominant compared to the horsies. By playing Bb4 black signals that he doesnt have much problems with giving his bishop away at an early stage. As pawns are the soul of the game as they say, black usually regains something for his loss in form of a better and more intact pawn structure. If this little explanation already exhausted your mind you should stick to more simple openings. This one is for the Strategos and players that like to outplay their opponents slowly and in a very sound way.
-1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6 3.Nf3 Nf6 4.Nc3 dxc4, the slav. I cant say much about this opening, russia wont give away the information. All i know is this opening is very sound and solid but more of a theory fight than an actual chess game.
-1.d4 d5 2.c4 c6 3.Nf3 Nf6 4.Nc3 e6, the semi slav. Very dynamic opening with decent attacking chances on the kingside unless your opponent is a bookworm. Similar to the slav in the sense that its pretty safe to play unless youre improvizing. I recommend looking at Vishy Anands games if you plan on picking up this opening.
-1.d4 d5 2.c4 e6 the Queensgambit declined. A gentlemans response but also a old mans response. This opening has been used as a drawing machine since centuries and it will continue so. If you see the color black as a draw button then this opening is made for you.
