Hello, curious minds thirsting for the truth!

This is Vanessa Holmes, the greatest chess detective on this website. Today, I invite you to join me in uncovering more undeniable facts about the world of our beloved game. Secrets that players and federations are trying to hide from us, even though they are right under our noses.

Long-time readers may recall the last time I did this in my acclaimed article 'Bombastic Chess Revelations Through Meticulous Data Analysis', in which I proved beyond doubt that Caruana is a biomass-powered robot and that Carlsen has a secret analysis team in [read the article to find it out.]

My revelations shook the establishment and caused an uproar in the community. GMs were forced to apologise publicly, federations were exposed, and even airports changed locations. At least I hope so! Much to the powerful's despair, I am not done yet!

Let me now present to you some undeniable truths about the world of women's chess. Women who thought they would get away with it last time, but didn't realize that I was just waiting for the right moment to strike.

Together, we will uncover the secrets of chess legends, famous streamers, and even Olympiad teams.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

1 - Judit Polgár's Secret Weapon

2 - With Great Age Comes Great Responsibility

3 - Weakness Of The Kiwi Olympiad Team

4 - The Botez Sisters' Secret Channel

5 - Questionable Origins Of Financial Support

Conclusion

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1 - Judit Polgár's Secret Weapon

Let's not waste time and start with the most famous female player of all time: Judit Polgár. She pretends to owe her success to her father's guidance of his three daughters from a very early age. What she refuses to tell anyone, but which did not escape my notice, is that her outstanding skills were not the result of talent, dedication, perseverance, or hours of study, but something much simpler.

After months of meticulous investigation, I discovered that Judit’s chess prowess is a consequence of positive energy being sent to her by specific individuals in the United States. This energy enhances her understanding of the game by flowing directly to her brain. But who are these people?

Babies called Ivan!

“Ok, she is crazy!” you might be thinking right now. But don't jump to conclusions just yet. Not before I show you the undeniable evidence, at least. Please check out the table below, where I present the data for you to see:

Then, let's plot it on a graph and see what it shows:

Ha! So now you believe me, right? Let me explain how and why this happens.

As you probably know, Judit was born in Hungary, a country located in Eastern Europe. Some Hungarians claim it is Central Europe, but that would undermine my research findings, so I will ignore it completely. Anyway, her father, László Polgár, really wanted her to excel at chess, so he devised a secret plan.

First, he genetically modified some Eastern Europeans, particularly Slavs living in poor conditions, knowing that they would soon immigrate to America in search of a new life, far enough to allow him to keep his intentions unrevealed. This modification would make them and their descendants a source of power for his daughter.

As we all know, Ivan is a popular name for babies in Slavic families, so this was the initial condition he chose to make the energy flow. Each new Ivan entering the world unknowingly lends a tiny spark of life force to Judit Polgár’s chess skills, much like Goku gathering energy for his Spirit Bomb (Genki Dama) in Dragon Ball.

The more Ivans were born, the more unstoppable she became, which caused her Elo to peak in the early 2000s. Unfortunately for her, the decline in popularity of this name resulted in a significant drop in performance, forcing her to retire before the scam was exposed.

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2 - With Great Age Comes Great Responsibility

If you think you have heard this sentence before but cannot remember where, let me help you. The original line, “With great power comes great responsibility”, was said by Uncle Ben to Peter Parker, the famous Spider-Man comic book character, advising him to use his newfound abilities responsibly.

But why am I talking about Spider-Man on a chess blog? Elementary, my dear Watson. My investigations revealed something very peculiar about the relationship between this hero and the... Women's Rapid World Champion!

You don't believe me, do you? You think it's impossible that they have anything to do with each other. Instead of trusting me, though, you can choose to check the facts I will present below.

Now, plotting a graph to make the information easier to understand.

I suppose you cannot question the obvious relationship there. The more people who google Spider-Man, the older the winner of the Rapid Championship tends to be. But the question remains: How can this be explained?

I must admit that I was also perplexed by this pattern and had to think hard to understand the reasons behind it, but everything became clear in the end. I will let you know my discoveries.

What happens is simple. As you should know, the Rapid Championship is hosted at the end of the year. This implies that the age of the champion must be a consequence, rather than a cause, of the increase in online searches for Spider-Man. Bearing this in mind, it is easy to see how the two are related.

My theory is that in years when there is more hype around Spider-Man, such as when a film is released or other viral content in the Spider-Verse, younger players who are savvy with social media become more distracted by online memes, trailers, and theories about it.

Older players, on the other hand, are less immersed in the latest trends and less dependent on the online world. That enables them to maintain their focus throughout the year and concentrate on their chess preparation, ignoring the buzz of social media. This has a direct impact on their tournament performance, resulting in better outcomes.

Please also note that when the hype surrounding Spider-Man is not significant enough (in 2013, 2015, and 2020), FIDE does not even host the women’s tournament. I am still investigating this curious fact. If you can explain this, please share your thoughts in the comments.

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3 - Weakness Of The Kiwi Olympiad Team

Many will call me a traitor to my country, but the truth is always the most important thing for Vanessa Dupin, no matter what the consequences or who gets hurt. I apologise in advance to the New Zealand women’s chess team, but I feel compelled to share my findings about their greatest weakness.

Just as I revealed last time, the men’s team has a clear fear of turbulence. The girls, on the other hand, suffer from something far more common: high temperatures! Of course, you don’t have to believe me, but once you see the facts I am going to show you, there is no way to deny it.

Check it out:

Then see what the data looks like when plotted on a graph.

You might think this is just a huge coincidence, but I can assure you that you haven't thought about it for as long as I have. Please follow my explanation and open your eyes to the truth.

As you know, New Zealand is at the f* end of the earth an isolated island far from most other countries. This means that when our team travels to play in international competitions, they usually need to fly first to Sydney, Australia, where they can catch a connecting flight to another destination. Once there, they obviously must wait a few hours before boarding a new aircraft.

But what happens when it is too warm there? They clearly suffer, unable to withstand the heat of the burning Australian sun. The desperate need for water and refreshment distracts them from what really matters, which directly affects their preparation for the subsequent chess tournament.

As a true patriotic person, I started thinking of ways to mitigate this critical problem. Unfortunately, the whole of Australia is hell has very high average temperatures, so I recommend that, for the next Olympiad, they fly to the other side of the Pacific Ocean and catch their connection flights in Chile, as it is colder in Santiago throughout the year.

Yes, it will probably take an extra 10 hours of flying time to reach Europe, but I predict that this will be compensated by a sharp rise in performance. The Russian, Indian, and Chinese teams will fear us on the board!

I confess that it was very difficult to find a solution to this complex issue, but the Kiwi Chess Federation should thank me for my services!

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4 - The Botez Sisters' Secret Channel

I assume you are already familiar with the Botez sisters, so I will not provide a detailed biography of them here.

But for those who aren’t, Alexandra and Andrea Botez are two famous chess YouTubers and streamers known for their light-hearted videos and comments during games. And also, for sometimes screaming a little louder than necessary, which can be problematic if you are watching them past midnight and don't want to wake up any neighbours.

But what many people don’t know, and what I am about to reveal, is that chess is not their only source of income on the internet. In fact, I am not even sure if it is the main one. It is highly likely that their 'views' are the result of cheating, and that their true success comes from another channel with more subscribers, which they refuse to admit they run.

I am referring to the science channel MinuteEarth, which has approximately 3.2 million subscribers. Why do I mention it? You can check out the table below for more information.

So, what can we see here?

To me, the explanation is obvious: we can clearly infer that their views on YouTube are fake and possibly manipulated by bots seeking to mirror the interaction patterns of their main channel, thus creating an air of authenticity.

Just look at these two, and you will immediately sense the mind of a true hacker behind their gaze. Therefore, it is easy to imagine them deceiving the chess community with false engagement, even misleading Chess.com and other platforms.

But why would they do that instead of building on the success they have already had with MinuteEarth? You might ask. The answer is: I have no idea! But let's think together and try to figure it out.

The advantages are obvious: receiving more invitations to chess events, being able to record videos with famous players, and negotiating sponsorships that would otherwise not be offered. This is all only possible because the chess community is very large, a sport and a game that is loved by everyone worldwide. Meanwhile, in 2025, some people still think the Earth is flat, so who cares what science says?

I suggest that the Botez sisters enjoy their remaining days in the spotlight, because Vanessa Marple, the greatest chess detective of all time, has just exposed them, and the chess world will not dare to take me lightly.

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5 - Questionable Origins Of Financial Support

To finish this article, the grand finale must obviously be the most controversial, sordid, and shocking truth of all. It involves not only behind-the-scenes manoeuvring or virtual data manipulation, but actual crimes! And of the worst kind! Follow me and prepare for a reality check. I bet you will finish reading this post wanting to see female players arrested.

It all started when I looked at the average rating of the top ten women in the world since 2015.  This was an easy task. But what really stunned me was comparing it with the data below. This revealed a striking connection between two seemingly unrelated things.

Brace yourself and take a look at it:

Then you will see the obvious correlation between them.

I know you are urging me to explain this pattern. Don’t worry, though. That is what I am going to do now. But we must go slowly.

Firstly, it is worth reminding everyone that Nevada is where the city of Las Vegas is located, which is famous for its glamorous casinos that generate a lot of money and are backed by the shady interests of billionaires.

Evidently, the more arson cases there are in the state, the more they will feature in newspapers and TV reports. This will make more people unconsciously think about Nevada and Las Vegas, and the chance to make money by travelling there to try their luck at roulette or blackjack. But we all know that, at the end of the night, the house always wins, and casino owners make a fortune!

For me, it is crystal clear! The money used to invest in the development of women's chess has this origin! Therefore, some apparently innocent figures like Anna Cramling, Ju Wenjun, and Vaishali Rameshbabu have been systematically and secretly setting fire to houses all around Nevada to indirectly boost their ratings. Shameful!

I know what you are thinking (I am a detective, after all, right?). You think it is all just a huge coincidence, that what I am saying makes no sense, and that I am creating a conspiracy based on nothing concrete. But what I am doing is opening the world's eyes.

If you choose not to believe, then that is exactly what they want you to do. You will remain a mere pawn in this dirty, dishonest game. Wake up, revolt, and join me in starting a movement for justice!

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Conclusion

Vanessa Poirot's grey cells have been working overtime today, but I hope you could follow my reasoning and can now see the undeniable reality of the women's chess world!

Okay, let me be serious again and make it clear that everything you read above is a joke.

As explained in the previous post, it is possible to make unrelated things look like they have some causal connection by using techniques such as finding the 'r' correlation measure of the data, manipulating the lower and upper bounds, and choosing the appropriate time range. This is the infamous 'cherry picking' technique, often employed by conspiracy theorists.

While exaggerated examples are useful for demonstrating this point, sometimes the trap is not so obvious, and data is deliberately presented in a confusing way to deceive us. Therefore, it is important to learn the basics of statistics, understand the main concepts, and avoid being deceived by people with malicious intent.

That is true not only of conspiracy theories involving mass manipulation but also of personal examples in our daily lives. These include the YouTuber who claims to have the secret formula for making money quickly and safely, the betting game that promises to make you rich, and the 'interest-free' instalment plan that actually costs twice as much as paying in cash.

So, please stay alert and, most importantly, always think calmly before making any important decisions. Their most effective strategy is to exploit our desperation and eagerness to manipulate us.

See you again in 15 days!