Passwords frenzy

Feb 10, 2014, 10:26 PM |

Password fucking frenzy and that's how I feel.

Why is it that I can't remember my fucking password? Seriously, fucking, seriously. And that can't be misconstrued as comma abuse can it.

Fuck you! You! Grammar-Nazi fuck! LOL!

I mean I always try to remember the right password. I am left through this systematic process of trying to remember my password.

1) Remember what fucking letter it starts with. What did it start with an ....A.....B......C...D...E...a sandwich?


2) What was a word association I remember?

3) What was some sort of mental exercise I can get to remember it. Hmmmmmm...was it Rosie had a dog. The dog was blue. The dog for some reason or another had a blue M&M. If Rosie and the dog were both blue is it possible the M&M being blue is a clue? Or maybe  it was Jean Grape had a purple penguin. Was it that purple penguin wasn't a clue? I mean and all the world wind of confusion smacks you right in the kisser, and by the kisser I mean brain. It seems apparent to me that if we run into this mess known as passwords we go into a frenzy. Am I right is the common answer. No, you're not right goddamnit. You etlitist fruit-bag! You're not right. Pipe down you fool! 

Onward to 4)

4) Try to figure out of there are any characters that are particulary odd. Could it be there is a hyphen in there. No. No hyphen, well then could it be that there's a  number. No. Well for crying fuck's sake what is it?

5) Screaming and slamming keyboards due to high frustration.

6) Locking yourself completley out of the system. Oh dear Skippy Peanut Butter this happens a lot. I am constantly wondering where did it all go wrong? Did I forget to put the toilet seat up? Did I not cross to many I's? Did I forget to color in the lines? Did I uh....forget to make that amazing toast? Did I forget to feed the dog?
If you run into did I forget to feed the dog? You may be clinically insane. It is brutally easy to really put the dog food in the dog bowl. If an obese person says I can't grab the Twinkee, then something is wrong. Obviously, in this example it is wrong because the obese person wants easy access. As opposed to exercising and earning the Twinkee. Oh you silly obese he/she person. The Grammar -Nazi once again returned. The obese person should be surveyed. If not how do they not understand how brutally easy it was to grab the Twinkee. Even though it wasn't a Twinkee but a knock-off brand Twinkee. Not by Hostess. Not even close. The obese person didn't succeed and the exercise was utter failure. So too was the goddamn locking out of the system. It was so easy yet I was the obese person. Sure, the Twinkee was on the string but it sure as hell wasn't grabbable. It must have been on like the fishing line stuff, that's invisible, kinda but mostly sorta. That leads us upwards and onwards to another number.

7) Was your girfriend yelling at you?

We shall skip this entirely. As we do know that women can indeed bitch. Is it some sort of voo-doo feminist predicament. No. But can we make it one? Sure. Do we want to? No. But can we make femnists and the female populist angry. You're goddamn right. Do we want to ? No. So like I said we shall skip that one.

Moving on like a frazzled African gazelle we find ourselves zooming through our mind. Yet, what happens? There is a shit ton of confusion. There is no square one only lots of throwing things at screens like orangutans that don't like other orangutans. Jerry the orangutan decided he didn't like Lucenzo the orangutan. Why is there an orangutan named Lucenzo? I don't know. FACE! There's your reason. Lucenzo got blasted upside the head with a rock, no a spoon, no a fork, no a can. Yes, perfect! A can. Yeah he got blasted with a Coca-Cola can. There you go the Orangutan's blasting each other with Coke cans. That good enough for ya?

Well you failed to mention why this drove you into a rage. Didn't I.

Yes you did.

Why is there now an internal monologue? Cuz you really wanted to start one. The point being don't be the enraged Lucenzo Orangutan. Yes, we all go through this bullshit of remembering password after password. Don't be the next Lucenzo. Because if you are and you can't remember your Gmail password, or your NeverWinter password or your Facebook password. You will go in to Orangutan mode and start hucking Coke bottles at random co-workers, aunts, uncles, dogs, cats, lizards, mail-women, ah ha! See what I did there. You thought I was going to say man. Mail primordial goop-walkers, zombies, aliens, undead brides, mortal men, gods and anything else under the sun.

Stay calm and don't Chive on because there's a site dedicated to that. Just envision a beach and it is sandy and the waves wash in and out. Wait, you're saying to envision a beach like we are meditating? Fuck no. Just imagine a quiet place and boingy-bongo your password will come to you. That's assuredly that you don't go Orangutan-mode and demolish a city block, with your large orange and hairy arms.