The hut

Nov 11, 2014, 1:48 PM |

            The cold blew through the smallest part of valley. Desolate hills hid from the cold winter. Nothing primarily was happening but they knew it was cold. Frostbitten cattle were just above the bluff. Colored with lots of deep icicle hues they stood there. Blues of not the ocean but frostbitten blues, deeper hues still. These cattle were just normal grazers up on these bluff.

            Then there sat a desolate place. One so far reaching not even to the clouds but the soul of the forest. Snow had made sure its job was to cover that forest. Surrendering to the whims of the cold there was a tiny shack. In the shack a man named Mordecia Mortabello sat in a chair in solace. Smoking on a corn cob pipe that was engraved with dragonesque- physique. It was a hulking brazen pipe with an ivory tip. He was a man of small stature and relatively intelligent. He had gnome type glasses and could read quite fast. It was just him a rustic sheep blanketed bed, a furnace that ran off the ice from the outside world. How exactly did that work ? One would have to wonder. He would convert the icicles into energy and there was a Tesla coil that would help with the process. He was more than smart he was an inventor. He tinkered here and there but this winter he knew he had to make  something for travel.

                Being primarily an inventor meant that he had lots of failures. First off was the popcorn inhibitor. You see he had the brilliant idea to concoct an inhibitor that looked like a beef poker. Though, when he decided to invent it he forgot a key ingredient popcorn. The damn fool ran out at the last  second because he wasn't able to have enough supplies. Never enough and always yearning for more supplies. Last three weeks it was a can of Muskeet Beans. The last three weeks before that it was a can of Fudder's Glue. Just little things here and there made him really re-think his supply approach. Ah ha! That was it.

                That was what he needed to build. He had enough supplies kind of to get through this harsh winter. He remembered as he put an old tea put on the stove, that, it was a mentor or rival of his that wished him well. He grew up in Neuremberg, Germany. His friend Hasselhoff Steinholtz was always good to him. They were both 5 and their father's bought them identical sleighs from Hoofenstahtz. Hoofenstahz was quite possibly the best sled maker there was in Germany. He looked at the fatter Hasselhoff Steinholz and threw a snowball that hit him in the jaw. "Das getten ich bien snigraphz." Which roughly translated to ow that hurt in German. But my German is very poor so you'll have to use your imagination. With a flick of his wrist Mordecai wound up like Felix Hernandez of the Seattle Mariners and hurled a snowball at Steinholtz. It clocked him upside the head.  Steinholz looked pissed and fell to the ground saying "Meiter Feicker" Which that translation for sure in German is Mother Fucker. So you'll have to take my word on that.

                Meanwhile back at the cabin among the cans of Muskeet Beans and rice bags and ultons uranium cubes. These were used for another energy source. Yeah, ludicrous, a uranium powered generator to keep his operation a float. Now he did some pondering on his bed. His beans boiled in the background. There must have been 10 cans because he needed a decent food supply for this winter. He even wondered how he got in this situation. Then he remembered and it felt like a sour candy he had once eaten.

Time was of the most important. The sun was shining through the trees and it glistened off the snow. The temperature he read on his watch was -25 Celsius. He had an old AM radio that was playing Dean Martin's "Walking in a Wonderland." Ah the soothing voice of Dean Martin comforted Mordecai. He made a mental check list. He had enough beans to take down a village. He had lots of blankets and heat. He had stacks of kindled wood in a large blue bucket labeled "Kindle wood for fire." He was quite an organized guy. He even had a backup pair of glasses. He wanted to understand what was going on so he took his gnome glasses out and huffed on them. He murmured to himself. What else did he need?

                He did another checklist this time with a grease pencil. A yellow one that he found on the floor. It rolled between his fingertips as he rolled it to the blue lined notebook paper. He wrote down furiously a couple of words. Satche-l,greens, green beans, refrigerator motor, (mine seems to be hitting the dusty)  peas, various types of soups , alphabet, tomatoe soup, chicken soup, bean curd soup.....scrap metal for building materials, I do have a bathroom but it needs cleaning supplies. some Bleach and other stuff like that. He needed more kindling wood.

What materials did he have leftover? He had a full can of Fudder's Glue. He had large boards, he had some scrap metal next to his bed. It stood up like a giant. Well , he put it there. He had some old abandoned and dusty knapsacks. By his count it was probably like eight to ten. Did he have welding glue and a torch? Yep a Knappy torch lie on the floor next to his work bench. His hut was not a normal hut. It had a work bench so it had to be huge. It also didn't have an outhouse but a full- fledged bathroom that was voice activated. Mordecai was an inventor that was a tad mad. Like when he tried to make frog skis with propulsionary exuberance! Boy! That was a hoot! Or the time he tried to make a peanut butter flinger with spoons. The spoons once activated would fling peanut butter. He wanted to make a peanut butter painting. Or the cow sedative so the beef would automatically turn to 100% fresh. Or the propulsion system that was composed entirely out of bio fuels. Except, that one was a jet pack and he did crash into another cottage. It was a litany of ideas tried and ideas failed. If Mordecai wanted his supplies he had to devise a new invention. He got it in his head. Then he went to work. He took the scrap metal and welded it to more scrap metal. This would represent the skis. He took the bags and stitched them down to the frame. He welded all the parts together. He made sure to put the kindled wood laid hotdog style and use the Fudder's Glue. Then he made a basket like system with more scrap metal weaving and bending it and then using the blow torch. The bright metal clicked and hissed as it was being forged. He didn't have a weapon if something were to go wrong. So he took pieces of more metal scraps and fashioned a sword. Welding piece by piece a piercing blade. He saw it. All it needed now was jet boosters or a cool propulsion system. He put a smidge of tesla coil in the back and fixed to make an engine. Mordecai was a genius. It was a Tesla propulsion system that ran off of pure electricity. When the electricity hit the metal coil it would propel Mordecai forward. Or so he thought.  He was all packed up. He had goggles and looked like Luke Skywalker from the Battle of Hoth. He strapped yellow goggles on his face and had a nice wool parka coat. He had yeti gloves and all together was ready. He loaded up his beans and pushed the turbish sled out the door. Was it at this time he did remember the sled Hoofenhatz. He pushed and hopped on he pressed a white button and the propulsion kicked, the coil grew mighty blue and he shot off like a chicken in Chicken Run.

He hit about 75 miles an hour. He also had a map that was old fashion but would guide him.

The nearest shack with all the supplies mentioned was 29 clicks away from his home. This would be a long journey. The snow continued to flurry and blizzard conditions existed. He was hauling ass as he saw a couple frost bitten cows to his left and right. The snow trickled down and made his goggles harder to see out of.  He maintained great speed down a creavaceous path. He wound through trees and animals alike. He wasn't hitting any trees yet and his speed was great. The animals probably heard a roar when he first started. He was doing just fine. He navigated the turns with ease as he throttled down to 70 mph. Then there was an icy cliff so he decided to go all the way down to 50m.p.h. This was treacherous scenery to navigate in the winter time. As you'd guess everything was frozen. It looked tunderous and it probably was. There were many frostys on his left. Frostys are just snowmen that sit there. They don't do anything but that. He passed a whole dozen of them on his way down. The tesla coil was now getting implorbly hot. He'd have to drop his speed to 40. And that's what he did.

                In these lands there always lurked something. What that something was undetermined. Mordecai estimated on his Halsley watch that it was about 3p.m. He didn't know how long it would take to reach the storage shack. He did however know that he had enough supplies for just about whatever. Remember, he was smart enough to make a weapon. He estimated he had already traveled 10 clicks.

                It was here in this new territory that the temperature went up by two degrees. The Tharus region had lots of great life before the snow befell the land. There are uptups that live there. They aren't built for the cold. They're little talking mushrooms about 4 ft that run around searching for certain flowers. There chief constantly demands them for tribute for the uptups village. He was in that territory. He saw some of them skitter around with their grey complexion gathering flowers even in the snow. One just dove and buried itself in the snow. All Mordecai could see as the snowflakes kept falling and the wind whispered, was a uptup looking at him with monstrous black eyes. He'd never been attacked before and he was moving faster than them. As he continued along he'd have to rest for a bit. He traveled 17 clicks already. He moved to a tree and parked his Tesla sled. He knew he'd have to take a leak so he found a tree and peed on it. As he was peeing a heard a roar in the distance. Startled he jumped on his sleigh and headed down the path once more.

                It was getting worse by this time and it was 6p.m.

He didn't build the damn thing with lights. He was an inventor but anticipated he'd be there faster.

He had a couple flares he packed. It was way too cold to stay outside. His  watch told him it was -24 below. He had to find somewhere warm. He remembered that  from where he was were the great Sommerset Caves. They didn't house any creature. They were just massive cuts and caverns in the earth. These caves existed because in the olden times they were left over massive lime deposits. Mordecai got off his sled and headed for the caves. Mordecai found one that was to his liking and he set down his goggles. He looked around the gargantuan caves echoed the wind. Mordecai briefly took off his coat. He decided to grab kindle out of his bag. He popped a flare on the fire a huge fire erupted. A very bright glow now showed the caves.  It illuminated the mass caverns and Mordecai felt good as he laid down on a moleskin blanket. He had a deerhide blanket over top and was very peaceful in his sleep. The fire still roared brilliantly and was very red. The coals by now had red embers but were dying. So Mordecai rolled over and put more kindle on the fire. He turned to one side and fell asleep.

                The next day he awoke to something smelling terrible. There must have been a sulfur pool near him. He wanted to check it out but realized it was time to go. The fire already dead was stomped by his boot.

                He found the tree where his sleigh was parked and headed on down further. The winds wined as he shot down the path. The snow was now powder level as he trudged through with the sleigh. Even the Tesla Coil didn't have enough power to shoot him through the deep powder. Worse was off in the distance he saw a downed Red Wood tree. The weather must have taken him down. It blocked his path, but luckily for him he had his mini torch packed. As he went to work on the tree he heard a garish howl in the distance. What else was in this cold? He kept torching the trunk and then suddenly something punched him hard in the face. Mordecai's glasses flew off. It was like a white gorilla had punched him. Blood poured out of the wound he was holding with his gloves. A lot was coming out and it was a deep, deep, deep, red. Like when ketchup has been left out too long. As he was bleeding he looked around. The beast or whatever it was attacked him again bull rushing him into a tree. What the hell was the damn thing? It was white and camoe'd from the snow. Mordecai coughed up some blood and looked around for what he could use. He felt the earth tremble under the snow. The white ape attacked again and missed and howled. Mordecai ran for the sleigh and got to his sword, it fumbled out of his bag. He knew that if whatever attacked him again maybe he could buy some time. The beast lunged forward and Mordecai swiped with equal ferocity. He gashed the beast's ligament and now it was bleeding pure blue. The kind of blue that looked as if it was polished. Almost a glowing blue. Mordecai doubling over in pain from the last blow tried to get back to the sleigh. The thing he was fighting was a goddamn mountain Yeti. He had heard stories but never encountered one. As the battle grew on Mordecai lost blood and so did the Yeti. The Yeti screamed in an exhuming fit of rage and tried to punch Mordecai. Mordecai was able to dodge. Mordecai picked up the sword again and aimed for the other leg of the Yeti. He swiftly wished the sword with accuracy and cut through the Yeti's other leg. The Yeti let out a long winded yelp and now was incapacitated. Mordecai limped over to the Yeti's face and with no remorse stabbed the big white-faced hairy-ass Yeti in the brain. He drove the sword so deep the exit wound would be easily notified. It was done. Blue blood ran down the home made sword and dripped staining the snow.

                Mordecai wounded and bleeding tried to get back on the sled and fell. He lie in the snow for hours holding his head. He lost consciousness and then regained it and lost it and then regained it. He thought he was in a lot of pain. He gained the strength through it all to return to the sleigh. He looked at his watch only 9 more clicks.

Blood trickled down his forehead and down the sleigh onto the snow. He gave the sleigh all it could handle. He looked at his watch 7, 6,5,4, 4 clicks was all that was left.

The snow beat the earth even more. It wasn't a flurry but a full on blizzard. It got warmer it was now- 22 below zero. Eventually he saw the hut without his goggles. The damn yeti had knocked them off in the fight. His eye was swollen and he still held his side. He couldn't breathe very well. His breaths were shorter still. He still had a head wound.

                He made it to the hut finally and collapsed outside of the front door. Minutes later a small man had a purple name tag. The name read Steinholtz.

                Mordecai woke up with a bandage on his head and lots of heat near him. A fire was to his immediately left. A man walked up and asked him "Old friend what did you get yourself into? Never a dull moment with you?" Mordecai smiled at the old man and said " An inventor's work is never done. Even for the crazy such as myself our adventures forge our true paths." Steinholz smiled back and the two told of stories of their youth.  The warmth in the hut was palpable. The serenity in the supply hut was majestical. The snow continued to fall ever beautiful and always there.