Chess under a ShAdE TREE

1. Hey there guys ,I just wanted to say sorry for all the mistakes ,not my best work.it was late .I was tired .and not a planned blog . I just had a needTo share my feelings at the time . Thanks for reading .it also helped me feel better writing it ❤️⚔️♟ Here I am at 12:54 am, sitting up in bed writing on my blog . I’ve been tossing and turning for an hour. Losing sleeping . Thinking of how bad my playing blitz and bullet arena games and was today ,losing terribly all day created. It such an immensely heavy heart Because now I’m doubting myself . I’m doubting that I can actually pull this off  in my lifetime, I gotta think rationally, i probably cannot . Right ? Ugh ! ,why am I learning buy cannot execute a win , get a passed,or to get my 

Pawn to queen ,  nothing works out ...nothing ... I don’t think it’s that I’m not learning .I think it has everything to do with me . My mind , my inability to concentrate . My  inability to not get distracted , not even by others , I even get distracted within my mind

m my own worse enemy .. I always have been .. that’s why I always have given up ..because it’s so  much harder .. I think things are just harder for me .
In my  head sometimes

Another thing , I know never just make that first move you see , there is always a better one ....  , in arena live games I don’t have any guard .. so I just grab and go with it .. and it messes me up ..plus half the time it’s wrong... Maybe  me having a dream of becoming a great Grandmaster and world champ chess player in my lifetime ,then after I achieve this I can just be content ,move to a beautiful sunny beach island to live out the rest of my years playing chess with the locals under sunny shade trees. And enjoy life  near a beautiful ocean .. Anyway , today. After the first few games maybe four or 5 that I played weren’t bad ,then it went all down hill from there aye aye aye .. i just couldn’t 🛑 stop ✋🏼Playing either.  I was trying to snap out of it .. then the games started feeling funny . I changed the theme color like 4 times .. I kept thinking  there was something wrong .. I don’t know it was weird .. of course there was nothing wrong I dint know what to do ................

........ok.  It’s been an hour since I wrote........... ..... I started to tear up and I didn’t want to continue to write while I was teary eyed cuz that’s dumb ,lack of a better word 🤦🏻‍♀️..

I do know one thing absolutely for sure , in my lifetime I have tried writing  three regular novels, three children books , and a couple of essays for schools and colleges .. and  l sucked at all of it ..Because .. tTA DA !  I could NeVeR write either I always barely passed my English comp and writing classes I couldn’t understand any of it ... because I had ..the same  learning disability that  restricted me all my life .in math . Now a lot of people I’ve known all my life cannot believe this blog .I  

how the words just flow . I think now I can write a book ..this blog the first thing I have ever written.. I love writing and talking 

I know this is an early,mid blog but it was weighing  on me bad , writing it helped put it in perspective. I don’t think I’m  approaching chess the right way . I think I have to schedule the same things that I have to study, do only  that for 3 study press ,days or until I get “it” until I” got” it I stress it twice ... no more mixing .. ok I’m done now I’m gonna start boring you now guys .. 

as always sending peace love and happiness to you all ..

-Lisa⚔️❤️swq 

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