Why I don't bother trying to understand the essence of opening

i rely on memorization so much when it comes to opening. that's why i keep memorizing as many openings as i can including variations, traps, and the ideal and the most ideal lines (the lines that only consist of best moves). however, i need to re-memorize some of them because sometimes i forget the openings i've memorized. and when nervousness strikes, especially in bullet, i tend to forget some ideal opening moves i've seen before.

since skill is all i need to fulfill, i don't bother with names and essences. if this move is said to be an ideal move then i play it. i don't need to understand the reason behind it. once i read chess literatures and analyze positions and games with engines and keep sparring with them, i need not to learn from anyone else... if you do this you might as well develop only as a street player like me. but who cares? i have no intention to be a chess mentor.

i don't need to try hard to understand about this-position-looks-abcd... ya know... like "pressure on this or that line" or "these pieces are better because they have more space to move" or "this piece looks strong because it might become a future threat" or "this square is so strategic for this piece" etc ... because you will have that impression yourself whenever you try to evaluate a position. you will get used to it if you keep practicing. and trust me, engines are the best sparring partners.

but of course, i still do calculation and am still influenced by my personal impression when i evaluate a position since i cannot memorize all positions.