lots of funny
A young man was strolling down a street. As he passed a large building with a fence around it, he heard a group of people chanting "Thirteen, thirteen, thirteen" over and over again.
Curious, he tried to see over the fence, but couldn't. Then he spotted a hole in the wood.
He put his eye to the hole. He just managed to spy some old people sitting in deckchairs chanting, before a finger came out of nowhere and poked him in the eye. As he staggered back, the old people started chanting, "Fourteen, fourteen, fourteen..."
An old man was eating in a truck stop when three bikers walked in.
The first walked up to the old man, pushed his cigarette into the old man's pie and then took a seat at the counter. The second walked up to the old man, spit into the old man's milk and then he took a seat at the counter. The third walked up to the old man, turned over the old man's plate, and then he took a seat at the counter.
Without a word of protest, the old man quietly left the diner.
Shortly thereafter, one of the bikers said to the waitress, "Humph, not much of a man, was he?"
The waitress replied, "Not much of a truck driver either. He just backed his truck over three motorcycles."
Two guys are bungee jumping one day. The first guy says to the second, "You know, we could make a lot of money running our own bungee jumping service in Mexico."
The second guy thinks this is a great idea, so the two of them pool their money and buy everything they'll need - a tower, an elastic cord, insurance, etc.
They travel to Mexico and begin to set up on the square. As they are constructing the tower, a crowd begins to assemble. Slowly, more and more people gather to watch them at work.
The first guy jumps to test the equipment. He bounces at the end of the cord, but when he comes back up, the second guy notices that he has a few cuts and scratches. Unfortunately, the second guy isn't able catch him, he falls again, bounces and comes back up again.
This time, he is bruised and bleeding. Again, the second guy misses him. The first guy falls again and bounces back up. This time, he comes back and he's got a couple of broken bones and is almost unconscious.
Luckily, the second guy finally catches him this time and says, "What happened? Was the cord too long?"
The first guy says, "No, the cord was fine. Hey, what the heck is a 'pinata'?"
Murphy applied for an engineering position at an Irish firm based in Dublin. An American applied for the same job, and both applicants, having the same qualifications, were asked to take a test by the department manager.
Upon completion of the test, both men had only missed one of the questions on the test. All the other questions were answered correctly. The manager went to Murphy and said, "Thanks to both of you for your interest, but we've decided to give the American the job."
Murphy said, "And why would you be doing that? We both got 9 questions correct. This being Ireland and me being Irish, I should get the job!"
The manager replied, "We have made our decision not on the correct answers, but on the question you missed."
"And just how would one incorrect answer be better than the other?" asked Murphy.
The manager replied, "Simple. The American put down for question five, 'I don't know.' You put down, 'Neither do I.'"
Logic of the Irish
An Irishman walks into a bar in Dublin, orders three pints of Guinness and sits in the back of the room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.
When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three more. The bartender approaches him and tells him, "You know, a pint starts going flat after I draw it. It would taste better if you bought one at a time."
The Irishman replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in America, the other in Australia, and I'm here in Dublin. When we all left home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we drank together. So I drinks one for each o' me brothers and one for me self."
The bartender admits that this is a nice custom, and leaves it there.
The Irishman becomes a regular in the bar, and always drinks the same way. He orders three pints and drinks them in turn.
One day, he comes in and orders two pints.
All the other regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says, "I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss."
The Irishman looks confused for a moment, then a light dawns in his eye and he laughs.
"Oh, no. Everyone's fine," He explains, "I joined the Mormon Church and I had to quit drinking."