Chess improvement as self improvement

Improving at chess is hard and I wanted to talk about why...

• in the game above I was totally winning and after 15. b4 I was crushing it
• however I did not spot the correct next move 16. f4
• this allowed bxh2+
• in my disappointment I did not properly consider which king move to make and played 17. kf2
• this allowed mate in 2

Now the key thing here is not that I made a mistake and then wrapped up in the moment made a 2nd (and worse) mistake. 

Instead it is that the reason for this mistake was not a gap in my knowledge.  

I know what a mate in 2 is.  I understand I should look for my opponents checks, captures & threats.   I am capable of calculating that kf2 (and before that, allowing bxh2+) was bad for me.  This was not a timed game, I was playing one of the chess.com bots, I was not in time trouble.  I have no excuse.  

The challenge is, I do not know how to stop making mistakes like this.  As mentioned above, I do not at this point believe the mistake was caused by a lack of knowledge.  I do not think there is some "oh now I know what a mate in 2 is I won't allow them on the board" eureka learning that will help me.  Instead I need to get better at the application of knowledge I already have.  I need to get better at thinking before I act, being disciplined, conscientious and taking care.  I need to get better at being someone I am proud of.

In other words, to improve at chess I need to improve myself.

It is my guess that everyone hits this point in their attempts to improve in any field and this probably where most people give up.  I don't want to give up yet and I'm hoping writing about my experiences here will help keep me honest, if I learn anything of value as I keep trying I will share it here.

thanks to everyone who read this

woof