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Trust Fall

falling-upwards
May 8, 2011, 6:34 PM 2

Tell me your opinoins please.

Trust Fall

            Gusts of dirty wind hammered me, trying to push me towards a premature arrival at my final destination.  The sun’s muffled rays cast a sickly glow on me.  The filthy colored clouds were something that I winced to look at.  Then again, there wasn’t much to look at up there.  Only some roofs and the still climbing skyscrapers, trying to climb to Heaven. 

             When there was an opening in the city’s smog, I was able to see the growing crowd pointing up to see the crazy person standing on the ledge of the thirty-second story of the apartment complex.  The cars looked so small from where I was standing and I couldn’t even make out any individual people.  I know its clichéd, but they looked like tiny, multicolored ants. 

            Breathing deeply just made me cough loudly, because of all the crap in the air.  The thought that ran through my head then was that I wouldn’t miss that.

            Truly, there wasn’t much that I would miss.  All I cared about was already taken from this world.  My world was destroyed when God sent the rapture, leaving nothing but a smoldering husk of a planet in its place.  He would pay for it.  I wasn’t sure how, but I would find a way, even if I had to crawl up to the clouds from wherever I landed.

            I was a decent enough guy.  Sure I was never even close to perfect, but I never did anything to deserve all the hell that he sent up through the faults and crevices of my existence.  He didn’t have to take the only thing that made me happy on Earth.  He didn’t have to fuckin’ take Julie from me.  For Goddamn sake, we were going to get married in twenty-one days and eight hours and he took her from me.  He didn’t have to make her leave.

            I screamed and I screamed at the sky, calling for Him to come down and face me.  To answer for his crime.  She did nothing wrong.  She was as close to an angel that humanity could attain.

            I looked down at the massive crowd.  Barriers were set up and I thought that I could see some officers huddled together, talking.  Probably deciding how to talk me down from my zenith.  While they were talking, I saw one of the ants sneak into the civilian limbo.  He was moving around, and where we traveled, red lines appeared on the ground. 

            I actually laughed when I saw what he drew.  It was a bullseye.  Just for me.  At that point the police saw him and through the smog, I could see one of the cars drive off, the sirens piercing the pollution.  It seemed that the masses wanted a show.  Well you always had to sit through the previews the get to the feature, right?

            Movies.  Those were Julie’s favorite date night.  Just snuggle down on the couch and watch some movies.  She was always smiling when we were under a blanket with the popcorn.  She was always smiling no matter what.  I didn’t even need a sun with her in my life.  Her bright eyes and skin, her compassion and love for all life, and just the definition of perfect.

            Apparently, He didn’t want there to be warmth, though.  He even made me wake up to her cold body.  In our bed, he made me open my eyes to her stiff, white body.  The doctor said it was a heart attack.  Bullshit.  She was in perfect health.  She ran every day, ate healthy and everything.  No, her body wouldn’t fail on her like that, someone else made it fail. 

            Well, He wasn’t going to keep me from her.  And He also sure as hell wasn’t going to just take me when he was good and ready, no, I wasn’t going to wait. 

            I took a look back at our first apartment.  Just two days before, it radiated warmth and love, everything looking like it was brand new and polished to perfection.  After Julie was ripped from the world, all the apartment looked was cold and dark.  Shadows were cast over almost everything.  No light or joy came from the place.  It was just bricks and furniture.

            I shook my head, going back to the stark morning, when I heard a voice pierce through the fog and dirt in the air. Some know-it-all optimistic asshole.  He started spewing some crap about how he ‘knew what I was going through’, or ‘it’ll get better’, or even ‘we all have problems, but they can be fixed’. 

            Tears were running from my eyes then.  They rolled down my face and the wind carried them off, chilling the streaks.  No, nothing could be fixed; you can’t bring my soul back from the abyss.  I looked down to stare at the man holding the megaphone, but all that my eyes would turn to was the red target on the ground.  It looked so soft and comforting, like it could get rid of my pain.

            I turned my back to the world and looked back into my former home.  I took one last breath and let gravity do what it wanted for over twenty minutes.

            While falling, I was determined to glare straight through the clouds and let Him know that I was coming for Him.  He wouldn’t be able to hide from me. 

Then, I saw a single bird fly from the room of my building. 

            It was absolutely gorgeous.  It even had the same deep, shiny brown color as Julie‘s hair. The bird dropped with me, looking me in the eye.  In the reflection I saw myself, looking scared and confused.  But in the shining mirrors, I saw Julie next to me, smiling her bright, infectious smile.  I closed my eyes and smiled, because I wouldn’t be alone when I landed.

And I said, Oh that I had wings like a dove! for then would I fly away, and be at rest.  ~Psalms 55:6

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