back and forth

Mar 25, 2009, 4:22 PM |

ok so...i had this great time at the end of spring break hanging out with cody....but then it all gets turned around when school starts. it was super wierd again at school. and we both knew it. best friend wasn't there cause she was still in cody took me out for lunch. we brought along his best friend and made him me and cody were in the back seat and he wanted to be all cuddly and i didn't...but i didn't say anything....anyways he could tell something was wrong...and he kept asking me "what's wrong" and "i tell you everything so you should tell me..." i lied and told him nothing was wrong because i knew that he knew what was wrong with me. so our whole lunch was like that. he just kept wanting to talk and finally i told him that i knew that he knew what was wrong. he realized that i was right and he got upset. we didn't talk the whole ride back to school. it was awkward. and we both felt crappy. anyways his best friend left us to talk ...but the bell rang....we were still walking together and i was finally starting to tell him but it was still really hard cuz i didn't know how to explain how i felt. he told me that he would walk with me before i started talking to him. so when we got to the stairs it shocked me when he just left and all he said was "well...bye.." and i wasn't even finished talking to him.and even worse he didn't even give me a hug! he always gives me a hug! he saw my face and realized that he had done something wrong. but i ran up the stairs as fast as i could...he followed and kept yelling my name. but i ignored him. he finally caught up to me at the top of the stairs and he grabbed me and pulled me into a hugg. i was breathless. all that came out of my mouth was "never do that again! " and i pulled away and left him and went to my class. i was so upset. i couldn't believe what had happened. anyways he always lets me borrow his phone to text him and my best friend during class. i still had it with me when this whole thing happened. so he started texting me all this stuff like "i'm shaking'" and "i'm so confused!" and "i'm hurting really bad!" and i just ignored it. i was so mad. anyways i had to give him his phone back after school so i had my ex take it to him because i knew that it would make him upset. anyways he called and wanted to talk it through so we went to the park and talked it all out. he got really emotional. i didnt' know what to do... i felt way guilty. so i gave in and we got every thing back to normal and then he ate dinner at my house and then we went to the david archuleta concert. :) 

ok. so the next day i get to school and he's down in the dumps again. and its all awkward again. anyways his excuse was that he was sick. turns out he went home during 1st period. so i had a good lunch with my best friend and i talked to her all about it. she says that i need to end it because its causing too much stress on me and  i don't need to deal with all his mood changes. then cody comes back to school and he's super happy and super hyper! it was so weird!  he acted like nothing was wrong! idk. but it made it worse for me cuz he was being all lovey dovey. a little too much. so i haven't talk to him about it yet. but i've talked to all my friends and they say that i'm not in a healthy relationship and i need to get out of it.

so im thinking about breaking it off....

and i realized something.....he wants a serious relationship........

and i don't.