How I've Conquered Elo Anxiety and How You Can Too!
In 2024 I decided to jump into the world of online chess. I'd played chess all throughout high school, but took a break from it during college. I never played any official FIDE tournaments, but ended up winning some small regional ones. I always wondered where I'd be if I didn't take a break. And I figured, maybe, just maybe, coming back to it I'd be able to pickup where I left off. I wasn't under any disillusions that I could become a Grand Master, but I was under one that I could become a titled player.
It was an illusion that quickly crumbled.
I wasn't happy with my rating. In the games I was able to bring myself to play, I hovered in the 950-1000 elo range. I felt upset at myself. I decided that I needed to study, I needed puzzles. I needed to watch countless hours of youtube elo climbs, and do everything I could, aside from playing chess against human opponents. And if I did play against another human, I needed to hit 2 consecutive puzzle rush scores of 30+ to prove I was locked in.
Looking back, wow this was dumb!
Everything I was doing was actually building up my elo anxiety - putting so many requirements before even starting a game, and putting very high expectations on myself to be able to play at a perceived "higher level".
It was New Years Eve, and I did what lots of people do - I reflected on the year and made some resolutions. I examined the chess progress I'd made (or lack thereof) and decided that I had a real problem. The most important thing to me was to get past the anxiety and be able to play chess. I needed to make chess comfortable. What I mean by this is that my anxiety was so bad, chess was an uncomfortable, stressful, bad experience. And I didn't want it to be. I needed to fix this. So here's what I did, and hopefully you can use some of this to help with your own chess anxiety.
1 - I created goals for myself that didn't have anything to do with elo. I would play 10 games per week. And twice a week I would devote to serious study - setting up a physically chess board and analyzing my games. I'd practice building resilience and improving my time management skills. And I'd learn 1 new opening as white and 1 as black.
2 - I created a chess ritual. I setup a comfortable area to play, I get myself some coffee or hot chocolate, and I put on a specific mix of music. I do all of these things because over time, it's helped me to be in the right mind set to play. All these things come together and my brain knows it's time to lock in.
3 - I found chess friends. It started with a D&D buddy of mine who goes by Azure. We started playing 1 or 2 games a week, unrated, and then afterwards we'd discuss them. And that really helped. Playing someone you know - someone who isn't a total rando from the internet - really helps. And since then I've found a small community of friends through this website.
4 - I had to ask myself which was worse: the fear of the unknown (playing chess and not knowing the outcome) or the fear of never having tried? I don't know where this chess journey is going, but I know where it's not going if I don't get over my anxiety and play. If I tell myself I love chess but I never play, the only thing I've got going for me is regret. So by getting myself to play, I'm practicing self care, I'm building resilience and confidence, and I'm betting those things will help on and off the chess board.
I wish I could tell you something that would instantly change your life and you'd wake up tomorrow and the chess anxiety would be gone. But that's not how it works. I still feel anxiety every time I'm about to click the Play button. But over time, I've been able to control it. And hopefully, you will too!
We're all in this chess journey together!
