How to Disrespect Annoying Opponents in Online Chess

Greetings fellow chess players,

Picture this, for the past forty-five minutes, you have been tirelessly outplaying your opponent in a 30|0 rapid match. After winning a pawn in the middlegame, you have finally managed to create an unstoppable passer in an otherwise balanced position. At this point, your opponent could simply throw the towel, resign, and provide you with your hard-earned 8-or-so rating points. However, instead of surrendering, he continues to take his time with his moves, all the while offering you draws every other turn, implying that he has no faith in your ability to convert the winning position.

Unfortunately, inconsiderate and “annoying” opponents are a truth that all online chess players must face; whether it be an adversary who refuses to resign in dead lost positions, sends offensive chat messages, or simply plays dubious and disrespectful opening moves (such as 1 e3!! followed by a Wayward queen or Bongcloud). While you cannot force these individuals to “be normal”, this blog will showcase one strategy to one-up every type of disrespectful opponent.

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1. Deliberately playing dumb moves - Annoying Beginners

We have all felt the immense weight of playing lower-rated opponents in online matches - one simple blunder could cost you not only your dignity but also a significant share of rating points. This strain is further intensified when these same beginners decide to plague you with their signature hopechess strategy: wishful (and almost always, unsound) threats, that if successfully executed, would completely shatter your confidence and will to live.

Fear not, there is an easy way to flip the script on this category of opposition: by deliberately playing dumb moves! The concept is quite simple: by purposely playing bad moves, you’re indirectly communicating to your opponent: “Hey, I’m playing inferior moves, and I don’t think you’re skilled enough to punish me”. In doing so, you can effectively pin all of your fear of losing straight onto your opponent, who will feel massive pressure to perform after being mocked in this fashion.

But what exactly is considered a “dumb move”? For the most part, king moves in the opening or middlegame (castling excluded, of course), deliberate sacrifices (ex. 1 d4 d5 2 Bf4?? h5!! 3 e3 Rh6!! as black), or passive setups (such as pawn zigzags and openings such as the Hippopotamus or Cow) will do the trick. This will force your less-experienced opponent into a state of anxiety, all the while you get to sit back, relax, and gradually remedy the weaknesses that you have decided to impose upon yourself.

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2. Tactical stalling - Cheaters

You’re right there, one game away from crossing that coveted 1200-rating threshold after relentlessly grinding for the past six months. After getting paired with a 1090-rated opponent who opens the game with a dubious gambit you’ve studied, you know you have this in the bag. All of a sudden, your opponent starts playing like Magnus Carlsen himself, promptly wiping you off the board in under thirty moves. After doing some detective work, your suspicions are confirmed: your adversary was using an engine to cheat.

So, how does one outdo a cheater? Enter stalling - the act of purposely letting your clock run its course. While most individuals frown upon this action, it can be weaponized to punish those pesky fair-play violators. Before proceeding, you must first confirm that your opponent is cheating; various tells include very high accuracy scores in past games, consistent move times, high win-to-loss ratios, and recent account creation, just to name a few. 

If you are absolutely certain that your opponent isn’t playing by the rules, dish out an illogical move - such as a forward king move in the opening - every few minutes until your clock gives away (this works best in rapid time formats). Assuming your opponent was cheating, you’ve denied your adversary any satisfaction over their “victory”, wasted their time (momentarily preventing them from terrorizing other players), and sent an implicit message that you’re aware of their fair play violation. Do not engage in conversation with the cheater, and be sure to block and report them afterwards.

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3. Disrespectful finish - Non-Resigners

We have all come across this type of opponent - this one guy who perpetually plays slowly and never resigns, regardless of whether they are down 20 points of material or in the midst of a nuclear Armageddon. Not only does this invoke unnecessary boredom, but it also deprives you of your free time, which you could be using to solve puzzles, study, or start new games. While they are not in violation of any rules, these players can be tiresome to handle, especially in longer time controls and Swiss-format tournaments.

As previously explored, with annoying opponents, the best approach to win the psychological battle is to fight fire with fire. Questionable beginner traps are countered with blatant inaccuracies; and while counter-cheating is off the table, cheaters are met with stalling - a lesser form of bad sportsmanship.  Therefore, the best means to outdo a non-resigner is to give them the long game they desire by means of a disrespectful finish. In a nutshell, this strategy consists of obtaining a winning position, and making a spectacle out of your opponent with mass sacrifices, excessive (under)promotions, topped off with a flamboyant checkmate.

Since there is no need to go into a detailed breakdown of this strategy, I’ll instead list out a few ideas that one can employ to inflict the most indignity against their non-resigning adversaries. Feel free to leave additional suggestions in the comments:

• Knight and Bishop checkmate  (worth learning for this reason alone)
• Promoting all pawns on the board to knights and checkmating
• Discovered attack King checkmates
• Nonstop queen checks
• Providing false hope (twofold repetitions and quick draw offer cancellations)

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4. Chat / Award sending - Trash Talkers

We cannot bring up the topic of disrespectful chess opponents without discussing the trash talker. This obnoxious adversary goes to great lengths to spoil your chess experience by spewing offensive and provocative messages in your chat window. Whether they are scoffing at the strength of your play, or attacking you personally to provoke a reaction, one thing is for sure: trash talkers suck.

The key to casting down these players lies in weaponizing chess.com’s chat and award features, however, it is important to be cautious when doing so. For example, while it may seem tempting to immediately retaliate against your toxic adversary with words of your own, your plan could backfire if you were to lose the game or hang your queen. Therefore, when dealing with these adversaries, it is best to take a measured approach by waiting to see where the chess game is headed; are you going to win or lose? Let us explore both cases:

If you are winning/have won, you are basically free to say whatever you want (just don’t get yourself banned or muted). A few options include:

• Posting a laugh, cry, thinker, or sleeping emoji
• Sarcastically agreeing with your opponent’s views (“yeah, you’re right; I’m bad at the game 🤣”)
• Sending a disrespectful award (ex. the “Asleep” badge, or the “Long Face” trophy)
• If your opponent hasn’t resigned yet, you can go for a disrespectful finish

If you are losing/have lost, it is important to resort to sarcasm or indifference instead of anger. Here are some methods to do so:

• Kill him with kindness (“You’re right, you are insane at the game; you have some true chess potential 😀” / “You’re right, I am trash at the game” / “You’re right, my opening choice does suck; perhaps you should teach me what you play against 1 d4 sometime”)
• Completely ignoring their provocation (ex. after the game, you could simply say “ggwp”)
• Sending an exaggerated award (ex. the "Don't be too critical" trophy)