Steroids may help your game !!!

The following explains the very likely benefits of steroids*

1. You will think 150% faster. Imagine every move you play being a home run. Unbeatable.

2. You will play better in time trouble. No more losses due to finger fatigue.

3. You always have the armageddon card up your sleeves. In the case of imminent defeat one firm slam of the fist will even the playing field, even against Carlsen.

4. Monster testosterone = monster mobility. Stetoid enhanced pieces move as follows:

Pawns -like a queen

Bishops -like a queen

King -like a queen

Rooks-like a queen

Knights-like a queen. Darn...

5. Increased intimidation. Win every staredown with huge guns. You got eyes on you biceps foo!

*none of these claims are 100% true and results may vary based on the individual