Nova Daily - 14 May 2025: When to shut up

Hi!

Communication is roughly composed of three types of communication: verbal, vocal, and non-verbal. There is much more happening in the vocal and nonverbal communication, so the meaning of the text itself can be interpreted differently depending on these other types of communication. The meaning of a sarcastic retort, for example, is best expressed through a combination of tonal inflection and facial expression, much rather than the words being spoken. And your typical neurodiverse conversation partner will take the comment literally.

To convey a solid point, there are a lot of reasons why written word is to be preferred over spoken word. For one, you're not as prone to fall for rhetoric strategies like Gish gallops, inconsistent logic, and other demagogic nonsense that takes longer to refute than it takes to convince the audience.

Another good reason why I sometimes prefer to communicate through written word is because I can timeshift my conversations to some degree. I'm not always able to come up with something witty on the fly, and in written text I have the opportunity to think things through. I can choose my words carefully without having to find words. And I can backspace phrases and lines that I don't like.

And there is the greatest difference with spoken communication: if you speak, you can never backspace your words. Once the verbal acid leaves your face, you will forever have said that. You can never unsay it. And then you start to wonder why you didn't do what you should have done:

When to shut up

There are times when it's best to just shut your face.

• When you're agitated.
  The most obvious time to shut up is when you're extremely prickly, you interpret everything as annoying, and you have nothing constructive to say whatsoever. It's much easier to destroy things than it is to create them.

It takes a day to build a castle in the sand, and it takes two seconds to destroy it.

- Unknown

• When you're drunk.
  One of the worst moments to send anything is when you have alcohol in your system. Don't tell your crush how much you like them when you're on Dutch courage. You'll make a fool of yourself, and you may not remember what everyone else 100% will.
• When it's 2:11 a.m.
  No matter whether you've just figured out what you should've said earlier that evening, you'll wake the neighbours. Write it down somewhere and see if it's still so brilliant the next day.

• When someone else is more important at the moment.
  No matter how brilliant, charitable, or important you think you are, the world doesn't revolve around you. There is no reason why you should try to steal the spotlight from anyone else. If someone has won a prize, don't tell everyone how much of a good friend you are to them, or that they got where they are because of you. Keep that to yourself, and just don't ruin someone else's moment.
  And don't take central stage during someone else's dark times either. Thanks, Gilderoy Lockhart.

This last point is the reason why I wrote this. The news has just come in that someone from my local chess-scene is terminally ill. This brought back a lot of memories that I've had when other people in my social environment suffered and died because of terminal diseases. I don't want to talk about these memories, not here, not now. This is the time when we have to be there for our friend and mentor. Just be there, for him, for them, for us.

At least some analysis

I'm writing this blog because I want to get better at chess. So just to get some work in even on a grim day like today (on top of everything, I had to fight like a maniac to keep my bullet rating above 2600), I have to get a few moves right next time.

Something to think about for the next time: I should study these lines this week.