Nova Daily - 29 April 2026: Withdrawing

Hi!

A few days ago, I was wondering what would happen if I decided to just vanish off the face of the earth for a year. Putting my entire social life on hold and only working on my own improvement and the real obligations that I have. And then reappear and see how the world would react to me. Just to see what would happen.

It somehow reminded me of the following song (which is not how I feel about it):

Withdrawing

During the Covid pandemic, many of us were forced to stay at home under lockdown conditions. Being confided to the walls of my own house and confronted with myself and my thoughts certainly wasn't fun. It sucked. And that's the least of it, because many people died because of it.

I did learn a few great things along the way. I can get by on my own. I can get things done. And I'm mentally much stronger than I used to think at first. I managed to break with alcohol and nicotine without needing any external help whatsoever, and when I was kicked out of my chess team for refusing to play OTB under Covid conditions, I discovered to my delight that I didn't give a f*_k about it.

I could've completely reinvented myself during the pandemic days, and I didn't. I can backward rationalise this in many ways to come across as cleverer and more strategic than I am, but I'll spare myself the embarrassment. In the end, things are as they are. The past is gone, and the only thing I have influence on are my decisions in the now. And in the "now", I'm too occupied writing these words.

When I started my daily writing routine, I knew that it was going to take up time that I could use elseway. That necessarily meant that I was excluding myself from a lot of social activities. It's a sacrifice that I'm okay with. It also reminded me of a conversation that I had a couple of years back with a guitarist who had toured around the world with his band. When I asked him "How has it changed you as a human being?", he replied that he sees it in two ways:

"On one hand, I've learned that when I want something, I can achieve it. And every time I pursued a new goal (playing at this or that festival, writing this or that type of album), I worked very hard for it, and I got things done. So it has brought me a lot of opportunities to make music around the world and reach many different people. 

"On the other hand, I have to be honest with myself and conclude that it hasn't made me a happier person. Because everything I set my mind to works out and gets done, I've always set the bar high for myself. It's like having a multi-layered dessert in which you eat through layer after layer thinking that the next one will taste the best, and in the end you have that gumball that's also gross.

"Maybe in ten years time, when I've become a father, maybe then I will be able to look back on my days as a successful musician and be happy with my success in retrospect."

I have absolutely no intentions to leave chess.com, or to cut down on my activities here. But I do think that it's a useful mental exercise to think how I'd be getting along if I had to leave everything behind. Putting much of my social life on hold and seeing who would still be there. Who would reach out if I stopped making any efforts whatsoever.

If I or you or anyone else is intending to withdraw from social life for a bit of time, it makes sense to ponder what kinds of outcomes could result from it, and to consider carefully whether or not those outcomes would be okay, regardless what it's going to be. It's quite possible that it turns out that almost no-one reaches out at all. When that happens, how would you respond? Would it depress you and make you feel worthless? Or would it reinforce your sense of self-sufficiency knowing that you can survive without anyone else?

It'd be very interesting to see what would come of it.