Crushing: I Tried to Play a GM, and This is What Happened

Hello Chess.com blogosphere and affiliated planets! After meeting Elshan Moradiabadi at a tournament in South Carolina, I convinced him to play a few blitz games with me.  Now, I'm not a stranger to strong chess players, but I had just won a tournament, and I was getting a lot better--and surely it couldn't be so bad could it?  

Well, of course it could.  I felt like I would have had a better chance fighting three Chuck Norrisses, or like a quadriplegic trying to outrun Usain Bolt.  Or, I kid you not, like a Class B chess player facing off against a Grand Master.  

It hurt so bad I think my grandkids will have PTSD whenever they play the Sicilian.  

The first game was pretty bad.  But I thought I'd warm up. I thought I'd adapt a little to my opponent's unusually high skill level. I thought I'd quit hitting myself. In mercy, he tried to take it easy on me, but it was not to be.

On our fourth game, I finally put up an okay effort.  Not the kind of game you can be proud of, but the kind of game where you can say, "hey, okay, so I lost pretty badly, but at least it's not like a baby playing thumbwar with Arnold Schwarzenegger.  

Of course, if you know me, you know I recorded the match.  

As you can see, it's worse live   

I guess the only help here is to study, and I'll get to it as soon as my tears dry!