How to Become the World Champion
Do you want to become the chess world champion? (Don't say "no" because I know you do but even if you don't want to become world champion, just read this blog for the sake of it, okay?) Well, in this blog I will tell you the 3 secrets to becoming world champion!
1. "Out-logic" FIDE
You could argue with incredibly logicals reasons about why you are the world champion! Here are some reasons:
- I've never played the world champion before so technically I'm undefeated against the world champion which means I should be the world champion.
- How do you know the world champion is not an alien from another planet that uses alien technology to cheat?
- I need proof that the world champion didn't bribe you and his/her opponent.
- How do you know that the world champion can't go back in time if he/she makes a mistake?
2. Go to the "ATM622"
Since @ATM622 is an ATM and is nice (I think), he will give you lots of money so you can bribe FIDE and all your opponents. If anyone wants proof that you didn't bribe FIDE, then you bribe them as well!
3. Point "guns" at FIDE
Now, as you all should know, FIDE officials are very sophisticated people (kind of) with great care for their mustaches. So if you go in with a super soaker and threaten to shoot their mustaches with it, they'll plead for mercy and will do anything you say (hopefully). All you have to do is make them make you the official world champion and then ruin their mustaches anyways so they'll be too upset to make someone else the world champion ever again.
So with those easy-to-follow (kind of) tips you'll be world champion in no time! Oops sorry, I'm already on my way to world champion so I'll probably get there before you!
