Writing here so I can quote and write at greater length than I can easily do in notes.

@Terindell wrote to me to say:

Terindell wrote:

Hi Anastasia. This is Terrindell. I'm a cis guy supporter. I work in a pathology lab cutting hospital surgery specimens. I have about 30 years experience. I support your surgery. BUT Pease please look at the risks. Many people have complications. I'm no expert on this surgery. Orichectomy is what I usually process. For this type of surgery, the risks are pretty low. The SRS is worrisome. I'm not much of a chess player, but we can talk medical all day.

His "I support your surgery BUT" is very much the kind of thing I was warning about in the second point on this list:

https://www.chess.com/clubs/forum/view/advice-for-newly-out-or-nearly-out-trans-girls

As trans people we often have cis people expressing their "legitimate concerns for your wellbeing", based on their half-understanding about things they are "no expert on".

Now, I'm a big girl and can handle myself; I've wanted this for a very long time and I've been fighting bureaucracy to get it for 5 years so far. I've also read every available piece of information about it, and know the risks far better than he does. I also know that I have far fewer risks than the ones he's thinking of, because of things that he doesn't know, but I and the surgical team do know.

However, if he is like this with younger less secure trans girls, he could cause harm (and it is something of a well-known stereotype that "cis allies" will often try to discourage trans girls from getting bottom surgery, simply because of preferring us with the default setup). I'm not sure how to best reduce that risk, unless by removing him from the club, which seems a little extreme for what was quite possibly a thoughtless, yet well-intended gesture. So, I'm not arguing for that at this time.

At the end of the day though, his thought process apparently went "What girl doesn't like random men messaging with unsolicited opinions about what she does with her genitals? I must DM her and set her right", and he didn't question whether that was a good idea.

As per the title, I'm mentioning this mainly for posterity in case something else comes up that establishes a pattern.

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