On the Board; Off the Board

Thread by: @hhart10k

A place to talk about how life off the board (examples include family, work, school, health, etc.) helps or hinders your chess, and, also, a place to talk about how chess can help or hinder your quality of life, self-care and wellbeing. Basically, a place to talk about chess and life.

hi

for those chess geniuses who were born knowing how the horse moves, try not to be playing chess while your teacher is explaining how the mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell because its hard to focus on anything when multitasking in an academic setting IMHO and will probably negatively affect both your grades and your elo

Goes without saying, but I’ll say it anyway: general good habits in life (like eating a balanced diet and getting good amount of sleep) will help your chess as well

100% playing chess while having to switch tabs every 5 seconds is not beneficial

Chess has helped me stay sober. It's a game that I've quickly fallen in love with learning more about over the last year and has helped push a bad habit aside!
I had watched Queen's Gambit back in 2020 with my mom and decided to rewatch it this year to see if my new knowledge would give me any insight to the game instead of focusing on just the story, but I had forgotten how much of the series' plot revolves around Beth's battle with substance abuse. It resonated with me a lot more now after a few years of battling my own addiction, and helped convince me that I need to quit again & stay sober for good this time.
My partner suggested that every time I get the urge to go out and buy another smoke, I should boot up Chess on my phone and play a quick match instead. Not only have I found my improvement at the game to be more steady with a sober mind, but I'm also engaging with a more meaningful past-time instead of getting high and scrolling YouTube to kill time.

Tbf my grades are already kind of screwed anyways, and I feel like studying at home is way better for me: I play chess in the day, study at night with the resources the teacher gives me, and overall, it’s just easier to balance like that because I get to study my own way.

One piece of advice would be to treat every new day separately, if you get caught up in planning way too far ahead then that can easily lead to stalling/putting things off and frustration. Today, get started on what you truly want done. All the time you waste thinking you can’t do something is more than plenty of time to actually accomplish that thing. That said, there are certainly things that do require a lot of planning and such.

I think chess helps to stay lucid and deal with situations with calm.

that is great advice, if you plan too far ahead and something doesn't go like you expected, you can get really frustrated, mostly in classical OTB tournaments, that is really important, I have been really frustrated in OTB tournaments because I had planned things and the results didn't go as expected, of course you have to learn to deal with it or you will get tilted.

I haven't read all the comments so forgive me if I'm repeating an already made point.
I've gone back to chess after a great many years. Partly because I am aware of the impact of intellectual inactivity on my mental alertness and my willingness to engage in life in general.
I'm enjoying the puzzles as it keeps me thinking and I enjoy the challenge. So to get back to the point, life off the board has reactivated my chess playing.
I just need to allocate time in real life to play some on-line games - for some reason I'm a bit nervous of that aspect. (Not the use of tech - but the risk of losing the fun aspect).

bullet and rapid chess can help with quick thinking

@ATM015

Unless you are an old lady new to chess. Then, 10-minute Rapid is like "the new Bullet," lol. Sort of like, "pink is the new green," it's all the rage!

Seriously, though, chess helps me with brain fog caused by a health condition. It also helps with memory, focus, attention, patience, perseverance, thinking strategically, working toward a goal, having a sense of humor, keeping the "long view," self-inquiry/reflection, exploring blindspots . . etc. .. . . .I could go on and on.

However, I must say, it does NOT help with exercise, and I need to do more of that, lol.

So lovely and awesome to hear about people's lives! Thanks for sharing your experiences.

rapid does help a lot

I meant blitz sorry (my brain was not working)

Rapid helps quite a bit with calculation (which I am horrible at)

Life off the board shapes chess skills (cognition, emotions, discipline). Chess on the board hones life skills (analysis, strategy, resilience). Balance is key: chess can enrich life but shouldn't dominate it. Mindful engagement ensures positive interplay.

Bro I study biolgy

I feel like people haven’t talked about how chess can hinder their quality of life, so I’ll take myself as a prime example then

Chess, for me, was a lifesaver. I started chess relatively late, at twelve years old, and three years later I’m the best chess player at my school. But along that journey of growing up with chess was arguably more pain than enjoyment.

I was mostly playing chess casually, but then when my good old friend depression come knocking at my door, I used chess as a coping mechanism, kind of to escape the real life. And it was great, but it was only a band-aid to a much bigger problem.

I started become obsessed with chess. I had a 300+ daily puzzle streak, I spend an hour or two just playing chess, it was the only thing on my mind, because I couldn’t really socialize with anybody: my school life is essentially screwed, might as well replace with chess because it makes me feel good, right?

Not really. I became overly perfectionistic, crashing out over tilts, expressing frustrations and extreme negative emotions. I started to smash stuff around me, and when I can’t, I started to hit myself. Chess was basically mentally torturing me, after helping me battling with depression, it was backstabbing me.

March of this year, I tilted like I’ve never tilted before: this time I had enough, I had really extreme plans that I can’t really share here for the sake of me and you. I loved chess too much, and because of that toxic relationship, chess was abusing me back. I felt like an alcoholic with no way out.

So… I had this revolutionary idea. Not really. I quitted chess for two weeks. Absolutely no chess. I don’t talk about it, I don’t play, I don’t watch GothamChess or any other videos, I essentially distanced myself from chess. It was hurting me too bad for my own good. I also got therapy during this session: it never stuck, but yeah, chess made me get therapy.

At the end of that hiatus, I thought about how would I reassess my chess (no, I did not read the famous book from Silman): how can I make chess fun again, how can I make it enjoyable. That’s when it hit me: I just need to develop good habits from it. So I studied chess, started to become active in this particular club, writing blogs, making chess Youtube videos, doing a lot fo make chess more refreshing and enjoyable for me.

It certainly worked, as I’ve gotten the biggest elo lift in months. But most importantly, my emotions were now positive: I have an optimistic outlook on life and chess in general, just by making slight adjustments.

So, my conclusion? If you’re at that level of obsession, the best way to go is to quit. The second best way is to reevaluate everything, like me, seeing if chess is still worth my time to invest or not. I chose the latter, and now, I’m not completely happy, but definitely felt a lot better playing chess than I did a month ago.

@Flan, I just want to thank you for sharing so very honestly and authentically. When I started this thread, I was hoping we could have honest conversations about just what you are describing. I do not think you are alone at all. I am quite a bit older than you, so when I was in high school, my version of what you are describing was competitive running and academics. My coping strategies looked a bit different, but the depression, perfectionism, obsessiveness and anxiety were all there in spades. Like you said, there was a double-edge quality to it. Running helped me cope with an impossible family situation, built up my confidence, gave me community and social status, and gave me a pathway to go to college (I'm a first generation university student), but it also really restricted my emotional life and dominated my thoughts in ways that no one around me could see. So I also felt very, very alone. Anyways, fast-forward. . . I have had many iterations of learning to have a health relationship with running and my general tendencies toward perfectionism. And, now, running and me, well, we are kind of just "on again, off again," a pretty casual relationship, lol. In fact, as a middle-aged woman, I would do well to spend a little more time with running, lol.

So, now that I'm taking on the very hard game of chess (can't resist a challenge), I've noticed that many of the same (usually dormant) tendencies toward perfectionism, obsessiveness, and isolation are all right there knocking at the door as I seek to learn a very hard game (especially as a middle-aged woman). I'm just old enough to know those temptations are worth challenging. This is why I'm such a big fighter for the idea that, "you are not your Elo." And if I may add (take or toss), "you are not your grades." There are multitudes within you, Flan, from my point of view. You are more than all these things.

You are worth more, and you are worthy of the happiness you are finding. So am I. I'm probably badly paraphrasing Dane, but he described chess as "the human struggle," and you are fighting that very good and worthy fight, from my point of view.

Thanks for sharing your story,

Warmly,

hhart10k

Thankful for @Dane's metaphor of the "Dream Square." I am going to be leaving my salaried job in the next six months, or so, with the goal of more fully developing my small business that I started three years ago. The "Dream Square" concept is good for both chess and life. "What's my dream square for my business, for my relationships, for my quality of life, etc."? And, "What moves should I consider to get there"? I love the experiential metaphors that are embedded in hobbies. Practically speaking, chess is also helping to strengthen my atrophied "planning muscle" so I can take the steps I need to take in order for my business to thrive. Feeling thankful.