1...e5 is better than 1...e6 and 1...c5, prove me wrong

but the french sucks fr

The Open Game is vastly different than Semi-Open games like the French and Caro, which are also vastly different from the Sicilian.
Open Game: 1…e5 puts a pawn in the center, makes space for black’s queen and dark-squared bishop while also attacking the d4 and f4 squares. This isn’t enough to dissuade white from playing d4 though, which although the Center Game not popular due to the loss of a tempo moving the queen, 2…exd4 3.Qxd4 Nc6 4.Qe3 prevents black from playing d5 themselves. The Open Game also gives white the advantage of running the game straight from the opening, since there isn’t much black can do right off the bat to try and gain the initiative, and is fighting for equality, especially if white plays 2. Nf3, which really forces black’s hand and essentially limits black to three main options (Nc6, Nf6, d6), and white is running the show.
Sicilian Defense: 1…c5. Probably the closest response to e5 in my opinion. c5 also controls the square d4, but this time with a wing pawn. Unlike e5 however, c5 immediately breaks the symmetry. While it doesn’t allow black the development of a piece, the move c5 also gains a spatial advantage on the queenside, which can and often does become the basis for a counterattack by black later in the game. However because c5 doesn’t do anything for black’s development, and as a result white may get farther ahead in development than with e5 or e6, but black gains more than enough compensation with massive attacking chances on the queenside.
French Defense: 1…e6. In the French, black’s position is often quite cramped in the opening, but it gives black a solid pawn structure that makes blacks position feel a bit safer than with e5 or c5, where these pawns can potentially become targets in the middlegame. The being said, black still has the same immediate developing chances as with e5, allowing the dark-squared bishop and queen out on the diagonals, and still gets to form a quite formidable center with 2…d5. Even in the Advance French, where white locks the center with , white can still achieve some counterplay with the move c5, threatening to exchange a wing pawn for a center pawn. If white chooses not to take, which is both typical and optimal, black will gain some attacking chances on the queenside. Black can also choose whether to play more passively or aggressively, an option that isn’t granted with a move like c5.
Caro-Kann Defense: 1…c6. In the Caro, black often plays 2…d4 and then aims to eventually play c5. This comes at a disadvantage for black though. Although black usually has a solid pawn structure, the choice of placing the pawn on c6 prior to c5, it prevents black from developing the knight to its natural square on c6, which gives white not only the advantage of an additional tempo but also far superior development. Similarly to the French, black’s position can often become cramped. The Caro is best for endgames however, since black’s incredibly solid pawn structure with typically at least somewhat persist past the endgame.
I don’t think e5 is objectively better than c5, e6, or c6. They all accomplish different things and it’s not super fair to compare them. The Open Game is very dynamic, and although black fights for equality, games tend to be more sharp and tactical than most other response to e4. In the Sicilian, black breaks the symmetry immediately and plays for a win, resulting in sharp games with massive attacking chances for both sides. The French is more solid and passive than either e5 or c5, leading to a solid pawn structure although black still gets considerable counterplay and attacking chances, which black to choose to make use of for a more sharp game and choose to ignore for a more solid and passive game. The Caro-Kann is the most solid and most passive, best for people who like winning pawn endgames. Neither is objectively better than the other unless you’re a computer. For human play, they’re probably all about equal. It’s not really fair to point to one and say it’s better than the others anyway. They all each do something different for black’s position, and comparisons are quite pointless and don’t really accomplish anything. All of these responses to e4 are quite popular, even at high levels, and for a reason. Because they’re all good.

All in all, e5 is universal, c5 is sharp and aggressive, c6 is solid and e6 is... also solid, but more drawish (I think)

e5: either open, tactical, and a forced draw or closed, positional, and a draw by equality.
c5: a tactical win for White in the short term and a positional win for Black in the long term.
c6: a positional win for White or a positional draw, Black only gets chances from White’s mistakes. 
e6: a tactical win for White in the short term and a tactical win for Black in the long term.

The Sicilian exchanges a wing pawn for a central one, so it definitely DOES fight for the center. It's also the best (statistically) way to fight 1. e4. 1...e5 is fine as well, it's all a matter of personal preference. But your statements aren't factual at all.