Bro, g5 was a serious suggestion. Why you using exclusion? I'll report you on the anonymous school bullying system!(not really, its not anonymous I reported myself and never got in trouble so therefore they knew I reported myself making it not anonymous)
1.e4 f5 : me and my oversized ego vs all of you
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It looks like the only serious suggestion is 3...d5, since all engines agree with it.
4.Bd3 it is then.
PS : I suspect the computer will end up winning as well, but I need that to admit that the position after move 1 is not so desperate.
Irontiger intends to beat the computers so I suggest we give a measure of priority to their first choices. For myself I quite like AmericanFender's e6. I had been thinking castle long but that seems hard to organise. So e6 and aim to castle kingside.
4.Bd3 then 4...e6
or 4...Nc6 followed by 5...e5 for more active move..
Black is busted.
Apr 28, 2014
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#28
Stockfish @ depth 33 likes 4. .... c5.
p.s. 4. .... e6 second by 0.04.
2...Nf6 for Black to develop and guards h5 square for White's queen for potential checks.
With plans like ...d5, ...c5, ...Nc6, ...e6/d5 to undermine White's center. However White gains advantage as it have open e-file. And have an easier time developing the pieces.
It's essential to know opponents possible plans also.
Senator-Blutarsky wrote:
Black is busted.
No it isn't. Just a little bit uncomfortable.
4...c5 has potential, but that's one massive hole on e5.
Apr 28, 2014
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#33
Senator-Blutarsky wrote:
4...c5 has potential, but that's one massive hole on e5.
Quite true, from a human perspective.
Apr 28, 2014
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#34
2...Nf6, 2...Nc6, 2...e5, 2...c5
Looks good for me.
Apr 28, 2014
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#36
Let's be careful not to give Irontiger any help i.e. no discussing White's future moves. 
My SF giving 4. ..c5 too!
Don't underrate an oversized ego. May well be a tough fight.