To be serious for a second -
A very easy to learn opening repretoire that will take you a long way, geared for the attacking player:
White: Scotch Game (vs 1. ... e5), Exchange variation vs French, Panov-Botvinnik attack vs Caro Kann, c3 Sicilian.
Black: Petroff (vs 1. e4), Leningrad Dutch (vs everything else)
Most of these openings you only need to learn like 3-4 moves and then can just follow normal development principles. There are a few tricks (like in the Petroff not taking back immediately if he takes the pawn), but they will be learned very quickly through play and not through memorization.
Some more work will need to be done when the student hits around 2000, probably will want to drop the c3 Sicilian for an open sicilian as white, maybe switch the leningrad dutch for the kings indian, and look into the ruy lopez. And perhaps the student may play an open sicilian as black himself.
This is not the place to fight! This is the place to answer my question!