So pleae tell us: what is the bright side?
Caro-Kann Study Group (1.e4 c6)

The Sicilian of course
Not everyone has the muscles to push the c-pawn two squares in the first move. Do you know how heavy a c-pawn is?!
Well, in my opinion, the sicilian defence meets the requirements of the "dark side" much more. I haven't seen Star Wars in English so I don't know the exact wording, but I think it is said that the dark side isn't better but more simple and this is exactly what the sicilian is like. Objectivley, no matter if the scilian, french, petrov, scandinavian, pirc or Caro-Kann is played, the game should end in a draw (this is at least the opinion of experts) so every answer to e4 is equal (at least almost, not sure with 1. ...f5). People who play the sicilian play are entitled to do so and it's a quite good answer to 1. e4, but in my opinion it's a very impersonal mainstream-response.

No the C pawn is that "Dark side". C=Cwap. Cwap= Brown/black. Brown/black= Dark. Therefore the C pawn is the Dark side.

The bright side / Replubic is
a. Castling
b. Starting with e4 or d4
c. Anything that does not have to do with the Cwap pawn in the opening. In the middlegame/endgame, It becomes a good pawn, like in the movies/books. Of course, It can be taken.
No the C pawn is that "Dark side". C=Cwap. Cwap= Brown/black. Brown/black= Dark. Therefore the C pawn is the Dark side.
yes, that sounds quite logically. ;D

My Cwap just exploded.
(Reason 1: I'm not using the real word, in fear the mods will mute me)
(Reason 2: It didn't really happen)
(Reason 3: Thats how my little brother says it. I once said that real loud in front of my brother, and he learned the word... :P)

My @#$% just exploded.
(Reason 1: I'm not using the real @#$%, in fear the mods will @#$% me)
(Reason 2: It didn't really happen)
(Reason 3: Thats how my little brother says it. I once said @#$% real loud in front of my brother, and he learned the @#$%... :P)
Shift + 2345 exists for a reason

No the C pawn is that "Dark side". C=Cwap. Cwap= Brown/black. Brown/black= Dark. Therefore the C pawn is the Dark side.
So we conclude that the c-file is a disgrace to chess. What about its assymetric compainion?

The f-file? We don't want to go down that road....i.e. four letter words starting with 'f'...??
C'mon, you used a 4-letter word starting with f. You took us down that road!
I WILL NEVER JOIN THE DARK SIDE. NEVAH.