How do you play the English opening?

I want to learn the opening for a few reasons:

1. In over the board play, I always get matched up against 5 different openings (as black): Vienna, Kings Gambit, Kings Knight, London, or English. Learning how to play the English could help me counter it, too.

2. Not a lot of people know how to sufficiently counter the English (Nor do I, as stated in reason one)

3. I've started to experience burnout with Italian, and the defenses made by my opponents that prevent the Italian game are either bad (Like damiano), easy to play against (Like scandinavian) or really similar (like phildor)

4. Starting the game with c4 prevents a lot of openings. For example, the Sicilian is impossible against c4. (Seriously, the Rossalimo is so boring imo but it's the only one I know how to play please make it stop.)

Ok enough of that, How do you play the English? I was thinking of kind of merging it with some d4 openings (Like if my opponent plays d5 or Nf6 I can play the Indian game or the queens Gambit) but I am a complete noob at this so I have no idea if thats good or not (And as stated before maybe I should consider other options so It's not just queens pawn at that point)

But also what do I do against c5? or b5? or e5? or Nc6? Is there a specific setup I should go for? What opening traps can I play? What opening traps can my opponent play? How early do I bring my queen out? When should I play e3 or e4?

This is my first time considering the English, so I'd mostly be happy with some simple opening ideas that a toddler could understand. Thank you all very much for reading ^ v ^

I doubt anyone is willing to teach you the complete English opening but on listudy there is a repertoire to train, spaced repetition.

https://listudy.org/en/studies/edmfn8-english-opening-repertoire

The English is a mistake as your level for many reasons:

1) You cannot force an English. Sure, Black could play 1...c5 or 1...e5, but what about 1...e6 and 2...d5 or 1...c6 and 2...d5? Now you are forced into either a Reti, Catalan, Slav, or QGD.

2) It is EXTREMELY Transpositional. As already mentioned, you could be forced into deciding between the Reti, Catalan, or QGD. Well, you say the Sicilian is impossible? Let me prove you wrong! --- 1.c4 c5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.d4 cxd4 4.Nxd4 g6 and guess what? All moves for White here are bad except one. What is that 1 move? 5.e4. Guess what? You are in a Sicilian Accelerated Dragon, Maroczy Bind! Same position as 1.e4 c5 2.Nf3 Nc6 3.d4 cxd4 4.Nxd4 g6 5.c4.

3) You want some "System", no "System" works. For example, some players think you can close your eyes, play 1.c4, 2.g3, 3.Bg2, and 4.Nc3, then open their eyes and play chess. Well, guess what? Here's a line where that is bad. 1.c4 e5 2.g3 Nc6 3.Bg2? f5 4.Nc3 Nf6 and White has nothing. Rule of thumb in the 2.g3 English is ALWAYS answer ...Nc6 with Nc3. Why? After 1.c4 e5 2.g3 Nc6 3.Nc3! f5 4.Nf3! Nf6, White can play the best moves, 5.d4 e4 6.Nh4! (Stronger than 6.Ng5). Now, Black must play 6...d6 or 6...g6 or else lose the pawn. After 6...d6, White actually WANTS Black to play ...g5, and he will respond with Ng2! (NOW we see WHY 3.Bg2 is a bad move - the Bishop goes to e2 in this line) and h4, looking to try to pressure Black into playing ...g4 or ...gxh4, giving White the beautiful outpost on f4 for the Knight.

Some might thing the setup with c4/g2/Bg2/Ne2/e4 is great. Guess what? Only when the DSB is blocked, like Reverse Closed Sicilian setups. 1.c4 e5 2.g3 Nc6 3.Nc3 g6 4.Bg2 Bg7 5.e4! d6 6.Nge2 etc. But against the Symmetrical, where the Bishop on g7 has scope, that setup is bad and Black just feeds off of the d4-square.

So already proven is there is no "One size fits all"

4) There is nothing good against the Kings Indian setup other than to play d4 and transpose to a Kings Indian - even more theory to know.

The English is ill-advised for anyone under 2000.