The "HA HA" Opening...

Appropriately named for the first 4 moves from white consisting of moves on the "h" file and "a" file in a move order that spells "HA HA" (haha),

the HA HA opening makes for some exciting games, especially if you don't mind sacrificing your queen for no compensation early on only to promote pawns to queens twice later in the game.

This opening is a good way to level out rating disparities and still make for some interesting games against an opponent a couple hundred points in rating strength below you.

The risk is, they may feel you are only toying with them, but as long as you make it clear it's all in good fun and still intend on making a game of it, you might be surprised with some of the new positions that arise from it.

The Kadas opening is the closest "officially recognized" opening to it I think, but for it to be a true HA HA opening, it needs to have 1.H 2.A 3.H 4.A moves played by white.

Here is an example game full of mistakes by both sides, but nonetheless a rollercoaster ride of patzerish fun between two fish for your enjoyment:

I thought that was called the Hyper-accelerated Hippopotomus.

Seriously, we used to play it against a chess variant where black only has a king but can move twice.

Interesting. I'll take your word for it and look for more info on it unless you have a reference you could point me to on it. Come to think of it, that variant you mention does sound vaguely familiar. H.yper A.ccelerated H.ippo A.

Now, either way, it can still be HAHA. 

Hey, that's completely understandable. Many (if not most) don't have what it takes to win with this opening. At least you are willing to admit it publicly and there's no shame in coming to terms with your mental limitations.

In fact, some people suggest it can be good for you.

(I'd send you a trophy for each of the six posts you used to demonstrate those particular limitations, but I'm sure you've already received the maximum allowed for many of your other similar "contributions" to this community.)

1. h4 e5 2. a4 d5 3. h5 Nf3 4. a5 Bg4

1. h3 e5 2. a3 d5 3. h4 Nc6 4. a4 Bg4

http://www.chess.com/opening/eco/A00_Crab_Opening

Other possibilites ininclude the 'HE HE' ('HEE HEE') opening, the 'GAFFE', and the 'BAGHEAD CHAFED FACE ACHE'.

Interesting. Thanks for sharing those. Maybe we could make the "GG" where we move the g pawn twice just to spell GG in the notation.

Titled players can make any move in the opening and win against you and me. 

Well even titled players must make legal moves in the opening if they want to have a chance to win against you and me, unless of course they resign, offer a draw or something outside the realm of actually making a legal move. 

I dont know any titled player who makes 'Illegal' move..why did you bring this up? 

however, there was one game (by non-tltled players). Read the annotations

http://www.pakchess.org/pgn-round-5-29th-pakistan-national-chess-cship-2014-lahore/

Im somewhere between a drunk raccoon and a titled player in terms of chess skill but I somehow won this good game here:

http://www.chess.com/livechess/game?id=834033378

I wanted to start off by moving my General to g9 but the live server isn't set up for that sort of thing.

[Event "29th Nat. Chess Champ. Lahore 2014"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2014.04.27"]
[Round "5"]
[White "Tahir Q. Khan"]
[Black "NM Amjad Hafeez Bajwa"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ECO "D02"]
[Annotator "Tahir Q. Khan"]
[PlyCount "72"]
[EventDate "2014.??.??"]

{I had played against NM Bajwa three times as black before, in rapids. Each
time losing after gaining a favorable position. This was my first game as
white against him.} 1. d4 d5 2. c4 c6 3. Nf3 Bf5 4. Nc3 e6 5. Bf4 Nf6 6. e3 Bb4
7. Bd3 $2 {This puts me in trouble. Better was 7. Qb3} Qa5 8. O-O dxc4 9. Bxf5
Qxf5 10. a3 Bxc3 11. bxc3 Nbd7 12. a4 b5 $6 {Better was 12...Nd5. This gives
me the opportunity to get somthing for my pawn.} 13. Bd6 $1 {Now the black
king cannot castle and if the centre is somehow opened, he will remain it
danger.} Nb6 14. Ne5 Nxa4 $2 {Better was} (14... Nfd5 $142) 15. Rxa4 $1 {He
had not counted on this move! With black unable to castle, and his rook in a
corner, White has the queen side to himself.} bxa4 (15... Ne4 16. Bb4 c5 17. f3
cxb4 18. fxe4 Qxe4 19. Rxb4 O-O {wins for white}) 16. Qxa4 Qe4 17. Nxc4 $6 {I
spent a lot of time thinking over this mistake. Better are both 17. Qa5 and 17.
Qa6. This move while good enough, loses a lot of white's advantage, whereas
after} (17. Qa5 Rd8 18. Qc7 Nd7 (18... Rd7 19. Nxd7 Nxd7 20. Qc8#) 19. Nxc6 Ra8
20. Qb7 Rd8 21. Bc7 {and a winning advantage.}) 17... Qd5 18. Rb1 Ne4 19. Ba3
Nxc3 20. Qb4 Ne2+ 21. Kf1 c5 22. Qb5+ Ke7 $4 {I thought he had to take my
queen. Best is} 23. Qb7+ $4 {I thought he had to take my queen. Best is} (23.
Qxc5+ Qxc5 24. Bxc5+ Kf6 25. Kxe2 {with two pieces for the rook and a long
endgame considering that black has a passed rook pawn. Let me add that I saw
many people standing around our table, among them my good friend NM Anwar
Qureshi. The moment I made this move, he walked away with a sad look on his
face.}) 23... Kf6 {The moment Bajwa made this move I felt I had missed my
chance, and lost my head!} 24. Qxd5 $2 {White can still give black a lot of
trouble by playing his knight on e5.} (24. Ne5 Qxb7 25. Rxb7 Nxd4 (25... Nc3
26. h4 cxd4 27. Bd6 Rhf8 (27... a5 28. Rxf7#) 28. Nd7+ Kf5 29. f3 h5 30. Nxf8
$18) 26. exd4 cxd4 27. Bd6 Kf5 (27... Rhd8 28. Rxf7+ Kg5 29. Be7+ $18) 28.
Rxf7+ Ke4 29. Nf3 e5 30. Bxe5 Rhf8 31. Rxf8 Rxf8 32. Bxg7 Rf5 33. Ke2 $11)
24... exd5 25. Ne5 Nc3 26. Rb7 cxd4 27. exd4 Kf5 28. f3 Rhe8 29. Rxf7+ Ke6 30.
Rxg7 Nb5 31. Bc5 Rac8 32. Bxa7 Rc2 33. Rxh7 Ra8 34. Rh6+ Kf5 35. Ng4 Rxa7 36.
Rf6+ Kg5 {So now the score is 0-4. A very good defence, he played cooly, and a
lesson for me. Well... there will be other opportunities I hope. I would like
to add that NM Bajwa congratulated me on a creative game and was very
sympathetic. But then, there are no points on the final table for collecting
sympathy either!} 0-1

[Event "29th Nat. Chess Champ. Lahore 2014"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2014.04.27"]
[Round "5"]
[White "Tanvir Rana"]
[Black "Irtza Asif"]
[Result "1-0"]
[ECO "A00"]
[Annotator "Tahir Q. Khan"]
[PlyCount "0"]
[EventDate "2014.??.??"]

{Tanvir Rana won by walkover}  1-0

[Event "29th Nat. Chess Champ. Lahore 2014"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2014.04.27"]
[Round "5"]
[White "Salahuddin"]
[Black "M. Ishaq"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ECO "A00"]
[Annotator "Tahir Q. Khan"]
[PlyCount "0"]
[EventDate "2014.??.??"]

{Game not recorded}  0-1

The game was between Agha Faasal Khan and Tanvir Tarin... The link given by me..annotation at the end...

Interesting. Walkover? Good point. :)

Oh, I just brought that up as survival tactic against threat of titled player will win by any move against you or me and clarified the move must be a legal move and therefore parried the threat of any move by a titled player. According to logic, therefore, if you and me parried the threat of any move by a titled player, it stands to reason we cannot be beaten by one of them and therefore are the winners. Since the current world champion is a titled player and we have already parried the threat of any move a titled player makes, and it stands to reason we cannot be beaten by a titled player since we have parried the threat of any move they could make, you and me are the new world champions.

But in reality, it takes more than titles. As we have demonstrated, it also requires logic and legal moves.

Nice work. I thought your castle with check on move 13 was fun to see.

First of all it is game number 14 in the link I provided.

Secondly, when I wrote 'Any Move'(e.g Nc3, a3, a4, c3, d3, e3, f3 etc), it also meant legal move. But we dont need to write that. Do we?

Thirdly, 'HAHA' opening was played against weak opponents and the game was won on the basis of tactics. It would not stand against 1500+ player. For example black should have moved central pawns in reply to your moves. 16... Qb4+ is a blunder, dont expect 1300+ to play this move. 

Fourthly, Titled player can open a4 or h4 against patzers like us and still win, mainly bacause of their tactical, stratgeical, opening and endgame skills. The worth of 'Any Opening' (and it includes HAHA) is how many times it is played between 'good players' and what was the result. I am sure I can play 1.a3, 1. g3, 1. c3 against my cousins and still win.

You might have preference for 'Off-beat' opening repertoire, and its ok but it is better to invest time in 'Main Lines'. Many players played 'Off beat' lines against my previous chess.com incarnation and lost.

Initially I followed 'Opening Repertoire' sugessted by 'Lev Alburt', but I had to change it because the lines he suggessted do not stand against 1800+ rated opponents e.g Scotch Gambit, Hyper Accelerated Dragon.

Currently, I have included 1.d4 in my repertoire and as black I am avoiding all lines leading to 'Ruy Lopez' and Scilian. Lets see how much times it takes. 

I actually don't have a preference for offbeat openings. As posted initially, the intention of the HAHA opening as used here is basically to play against players rated significantly lower more of a chance. 

Against players rated higher than myself, I have and do play mainline openings. 

I mostly only play higher rated opponents and it has led to increases of several hundred rating points from when I first started playing the game a couple of years ago. 

It is very rare that I play anyone rated below me unless I am paired with them in a tournament or an unrated.

I wouldn't play the HAHA opening against a higher rated opponent, so don't get that confused. I have only played it against lower rated opponents to make the game more interesting. 

So this topic isn't about anyone higher rated, but only about opponents rated signficantly lower.

You could just as well give knight or rook odds for the same purpose. I hope that makes sense to you.

Ah this is the game:

[Event "29th Nat. Chess Champ. Lahore 2014"]
[Site "?"]
[Date "2014.04.27"]
[Round "5"]
[White "Agha Faisal Khan"]
[Black "Tanvir Tarin"]
[Result "0-1"]
[ECO "C62"]
[Annotator "Tahir Q. Khan"]
[PlyCount "161"]
[EventDate "2014.??.??"]

1. e4 e5 2. Nf3 Nc6 3. Bb5 d6 4. d4 exd4 5. Nxd4 Bd7 6. Nxc6 bxc6 7. Ba4 Nf6 8.
Qf3 Ng4 9. Bxc6 Ne5 10. Bxd7+ Qxd7 11. Qe2 Be7 12. O-O O-O 13. Nc3 Kh8 14. b3
Rfe8 15. Bb2 f5 16. Rad1 Bf6 17. Kh1 Ng4 18. f3 Nh6 19. Qd3 fxe4 20. fxe4 Be5
21. Na4 Qg4 22. Bxe5 Rxe5 23. Nc3 Rh5 24. Qf3 Qh4 25. h3 Rg8 26. Rd5 Rg5 27.
Qf2 Rg3 28. Rd3 Rg4 29. Qxh4 Rxh4 30. Kg1 Rh5 31. a4 Rc5 32. Rf2 a6 33. g4 Re8
34. Kf1 Ng8 35. Ke2 Nf6 36. Rdf3 d5 37. Kd3 Rxc3+ 38. Kxc3 Nxe4+ 39. Kd4 Nxf2
40. Rxf2 Kg8 41. Kxd5 Re3 42. h4 Rh3 43. h5 h6 44. Rf4 g6 45. hxg6 Kg7 46. Kc6
Kxg6 47. Kxc7 Kg5 48. Rc4 Rh4 49. Kc6 Rxg4 50. Rxg4+ Kxg4 51. c4 h5 52. c5 h4
53. Kb6 h3 54. c6 h2 55. c7 h1=Q 56. c8=Q+ Kg3 57. Qg8+ Kf4 58. Qc4+ Ke3 59.
Qe6+ Kd3 60. Qc4+ Kd2 61. Kxa6 Qa8+ 62. Kb5 Qb7+ 63. Ka5 Qa7+ 64. Kb4 Qe7+ 65.
Qc5 Qe4+ 66. Ka3 Qd3 67. Qf2+ Kc1 68. Qg1+ Kc2 69. Qc5+ Kd2 70. a5 Qa6 71. Ka4
Ke1 72. Qc1+ Kf2 73. Qc2+ Ke1 74. Qc4 Qa8 75. a6 Qe8+ 76. Qb5 Qh8 77. Qb4+ Kd1
78. Qg4+ Kc2 79. Qe2+ Kc1 80. Qe3+ Kc2 81. a7 {Here, according to Agha Faisal,
who showed the game to a group of participants including me, said that:
somehow the black Queen moved from h8 to b7 in one move! Both players were
very short of time and Agha Faisal did not notice the illegal move, moved his
pawn to b4, when black mated him by moving the queen to a6! He lost but after
replaying the moves, when he did notice this, it was too late.} 0-1

I'll keep the HAHA in mind for future use now. And if I ever find myself in a serious must win scenario, I'll probably choose 1. Nf6.

1. d3 followed by 2. g3, 3. Bg2, 4. Nf6, and 5. 0-0 is another one I use sometimes when needed. ("Baroque Chess Openings: How to Play Your Betters at Chess and Sometimes Win" Wincor)

Yes! That will be great. The only thing I ask of you if you want to use the HAHA opening is to post the diagrams of your games here so we can discuss them and get more enjoyment out of them all together.

Alright