What are some solid defensive openings for white where black has many chances to blunder, following

Such openings don't exist.

I will ignore that fact that your question makes no sense.  And offer you the usual advice.

1. You dont follow opening principles.

2. You hang pieces.

3. You miss simple tactics.

Here is what you need to learn:

The basics of each phase of the game

Opening:

Follow the Opening principles:

1.      Control the center squares – d4-e4-d5-e5

2.      Develop your minor pieces toward the center – piece activity is the key

Ø  Complete your development before moving a piece twice or starting an attack.

Ø  Move pieces not pawns.

3.      Castle

4.      Connect your rooks

Ø    By move 12, you should have connected your Rooks, or be about to do so.

Middle game:

When you have completed the Opening Principles, you are now at the middle game.  Now you need to formulate a middle game plan.  The middle game is a very complicated part of a chess game.  A simple way to develop a middle game plan is to perform the following steps.

1.      Scan your opponents 5^th, and 6^th ranks (3^rd, and 4^th if your black)

2.      Look for weak pawns, and or weak squares.

Ø  Weak pawns and squares are Pawns, and squares that cannot be defended by another Pawn.

Ø  Knights are excellent pieces on weak squares.

Ø  When deciding on weak squares, and weak Pawns to attack, the closer to the center the better

End game:

Start with the basics:

1.      Learn basic mates – KQ vs. K, KR vs. K, KRR vs. K

2.      Learn Opposition, and Key Squares

3.      Learn basic King and Pawn endings

Pre Move Checklist

1. Make sure all your pieces are safe.

2. Look for forcing moves: Checks, captures, threats. You want to look at ALL forcing moves (even the bad ones) this will force you look at, and see the entire board.

3. If there are no forcing moves, you then want to remove any of your opponent’s pieces from your side of the board.

4. If your opponent doesn’t have any of his pieces on your side of the board, then you want to improve the position of your least active piece.

5. After each move by your opponent, ask yourself: "What is my opponent trying to do?"

As Black. I love it when White develops slowly or makes defensive rather than aggressive moves: I'd rather take my chance making a blunder in that situation than when I'm struggling to catch up in development.

If you don't follow the opening principles and try to keep Black on the defensive as much as practical with the White pieces, you are the one making the blunder!

If anyone can answer the OPs questions, could someone tell me how to get a good looking girlfriend twenty years younger who loves to take me to the pub and pick me up later to take me home ?

low rated, u want to play defence, wrong way!

 if you play solid and defensively black has no way to blunder. think of it as a boxer who doesnt hit back

I have a pretty decent recommendation for you: 

Just play this opening, and I've included a few traps in these lines, although there are more. Black has many opportunities to go wrong here, if he/she doesn't know that to return the pawn is correct. 

*The best defense is a good offense*.

Novel concept!  Why not play good chess????

All these clowns that keep on posting looking for ways to trap the opponent should instead be playing moves because they are sound and correct, not because there might be some one-trick pony that if their opponent falls for it, great, but if he doesn't, you're hosed!

trap your opponent into a challenging middle game where both sides are fighting for the centre, weak squares and pawns and are trying to get an attack on each other. if you follow this your opponent will be trapped into being forced to play chess properly.