Some of these poems are crude
Others are somewhat subdued
But it's inopportune
To have read of the spoon
Or the NM who plays in the nude
Chess Limericks
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A CHESS TOURNAMENT
A girl in a match in round one
Briefly shot a look at the sun
An awful decision
It messed up her vision
And she hung her queen on c1.
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A man in round two did develop
And his foe saw his knight in the setup
But its guard he'd not seen
And took with his queen
And got her killed by a bishop
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In round three a master was battling
A man who wouldn't stop rattling
Off weird quotations
And writing notations
And annoying him with his prattling
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Round four was the last in the fight
And as the day transformed into night
The players amassed
To play to the last
Not lettling victory from sight
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In round four a man made a blunder
And his foe ripped his fortress asunder
It's a testament to
How quickly you
Can cause your own fort to go under
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A master of fortifications
Made some flawed interpretations
Of his position
And made a decision
That dismantled his war installations
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A master attacker created
An assault that really berrated
His opponent and got
Him in a tight spot
And left him him wishing the game was unrated
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At last the tournament ended
And cheers and praises descended
A man named Ben Styze
Won the grand prize
And walked away like he intended
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So here ends my story of war
Of fighting destruction and gore
I hope my word blending
Produced from time spending
Has left all of you wanting more!
The weaponking's weapon of choice
From the looks of things, must be his voice
Transformed into verse
gets better, not worse
Out of all of us here, he's Rolls Royce
Bugoobiga, your comment is great
And I'm glad to see you don't hate
My poetry and
My lingual command
I've been on a roll as of late.
Bugoobiga, your limerick was nice
And all of these comments entice
Me to write more
I've some ideas in store
To increase this forum's size thrice.
So, then we've had only a taste?
Then, please fill these pages, post-haste.
Saddle this thread,
Run, thoroughbred,
But don't think I won't catch cut-and-paste.
Don't worry, I don't plagiarize.
My imagination's great size
And my intuition
Both help in my mission
To continue to write for you guys.
At a pageant there was much noise.
There was a girl dressed in turquoise.
Her earrings were jaded
And she was graded
On beauty, style, and poise.
This limerick thread is the best.
I hope it will be filled with zest.
I encourage you all
To answer this call
To accept this limerick test.
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I don't speak of competitions.
I ask for your compositions.
To you all I ask
To help in my task
Of filling this thread with submissions.
we've strayed far from the topic at hand,
chess limericks: that's what was planned,
call me a pervert,
but I think we should revert,
to mating positions - or your best one knight stand.
A thief broke into a house.
And frightened a girl in a blouse.
But he didn't know
She knew tai kwan do
And quickly had his lights put out.
Yes we've certainly diverted
And it is good that you have asserted
That we should return
To chess and concern
Ourselves that only it's inserted
Communication is grand.
And sometimes easy to understand.
These limericks shall thrive
In this internet hive
And all across this virtual land!
Two pages is quite an achievement.
Many limericks have indeed been sent.
To this grand thread
From many bright heads
Let it's name be etched in cement.
A man from the island of Crete.
Confidently sat down in his seat.
The man's name was Ross
And though he took a loss
He said, "It was fun to compete."
I shall make a limerick on Halo
Either tonight or in the morrow.
But I will mainly talk chess
So I must assess
The features from which I can borrow.
On that note here's a poem off the cuff
'Cause I can't get enough of this stuff:
Opponents will deplore
e4 c5 b4
(The main lines are really quite tough)
HALO LIMERICKS
The covenant were killing marines
On board Pelican 17s
Of this the Chief learned
And with help the tide turned
But left some gut-wrenching scenes.
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A grunt was found dead in a room.
The stench of flesh rotting did loom.
It was disgusting
And grenades combusting
Had made it a hideous tomb
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The cartographer that stood silent
Eluded the humans, defiant.
They captured a brute
But the massive galute
Was anything but compliant.
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Damaged pelicans crashed on a ring.
The surviving pilots did sing
A victory song
But the notes were all wrong
I've never heard such a screech-riddled thing.
There was a young vampire called Mabel
Whose period was incredibly stable
Every month at full moon
She'd go with a spoon
And drink herself under the table.