How about a bishop that, on a given move, can hop one square like a rook, and end up on the opposite color.
Invent the new worst/most useless chess piece ever!

How about a piece that has to reverse it's move as soon as he makes it, but you get a second, new move you can make after that.

The fat hungry guy. Will eat all pieces of importance to you if you dont capture pieces in every 3 moves

the-friendly-cow - basically occupiyng the left side of the board... it moves itself 1 square forward every 3 turns. White has no pieces in the left side - there is a cow instead... and cow and forces to black to develope his left side before being crushed by it's unstoppable advancement.
💩

The sloth. Lounges on the chessboard and takes up all the space. It is know for breaking many pieces and therefore winning the game.
The shoe only takes pieces that are threatening the shoe