Angry at myself

I have been so committed for the last 9 months. After reading several forum posts I’m feeling beyond demoralised. I’m at rapid 800, was feeling awesome about myself and I really want to play chess competitively, that’s looking farther and farther out of reach. I went up 400-500 in this time and was notoriously bad when I was at mid 300’s, I was feeling fantastic about my progress until today. I want to get an IRL coach but we’re going to have a baby and I’m just trying to live my life at the same time as playing in addition to work. I’ve beat all of the intermediate bots and most of the advanced (with hints on the advanced). I’m 27 and most everyone thinks I’m very intelligent but I’m doubting that now. Should I just quit?

To most of my students, I give this advice (and it's almost all they need):

The biggest reason people struggle in lower-level chess is because of blunders. They make them in almost every game.

A mistake can instantly put you in a bad position, no matter how well you played earlier: if you had great opening knowledge, great positional skills, great endgame skills, whatever; a single mistake can change everything (you lose a piece or get checkmated).

So, how do you avoid blunders? Follow these two simple steps:

1. After your opponent moves, think if it's dangerous. Ask yourself, “What’s his idea?”
2. Before you make your move, think if it's safe. Ask yourself, “What attacking replies can he play?”

If you feel like getting to levels like 1600, 1800, or 2000 in chess is super hard, let's look at it in a different way. Those players you're facing make blunders in nearly every game they play. Beating them isn't so tough if you stop making big mistakes and start using their slip-ups to your advantage.

Again, it does not require you to become a chess nerd or spend all your time on chess. Just doing this one thing can boost your rating by a few hundred points right away.

Lastly, while avoiding blunders is crucial, I also share a few basic principles with my students. These principles help them figure out what to do in each part of the game - the opening, the middlegame, and the endgame. Understanding these simple principles is like having a map for your moves. When you use this knowledge along with being careful about blunders, you're not just getting better at defending. You're also learning a well-rounded approach to chess. Keep in mind, chess is not just about not making mistakes; it's about making smart and planned moves to outsmart your opponent.

You are very intelligent, so you cannot believe that the way you play chess is a measure of your intelligence. Chess is a game of chess skill. If you're good at chess, it just means you're good at chess. If you suck at chess, it just means you suck at chess.

For the rest, follow the advice the experts give you. And above all, try to have fun.

every player faces this mood sometimes. it's inseparable from the game itself. you cannot always play on your best level. fatigue exists. we need some rest...

Children require a lot of attention, if you are also working full time then you have to question how much time you need to reach a professional standard. It is a spacial and visual memory game. Effectively you need a decade of playing many games and including study and post game analysis every day. You can get very good, but getting to competative tournament play will take quite some time. Better to keep entering low level competitions whilst learning to build up the experience, thinking and practice. Quality of chess experience is as important as quantity. Don't be disheartened. People play for years stuck at lower levels and others improve rapidly before plateauing. Dont fear a plateau, you will move again.

Seriously man... Keep playing no meatter how frustrating it gets. I know the feeling truly. My journey has been a rocky one, making gains, then losing the gain 10 fold.. I'll win against a 900-100 and then lose to a 500... Chess is about figuring out what tactics work against different opponents tactics and in my experience, the people that climb in rating quickly are more consistent In getting wins with the knowledge they have. I'm not great at chess, and I'm very inconsistent, but as a fellow struggling chess player, I say don't give up.. if you need to change tactics, change your opening, buy a chess board and practice otb or follow along with master games. You don't sound dumb by any means, and chess is a tough game. It's not all about intelligence. Keep playing.

I will never understand why so many people only want to play rapid. Play games with longer time controls. Three days, five days. This would make it easier to balance work, childcare and other responsibilities with chess.

We can play some unrated live chess for learning purposes if you like @Bigyell0 but perhaps you are being too hard on yourself and expecting progress to come easier than it actually does. If you are 800 rapid rating on chess.com, then do you realize you are already higher rated than half of all chess players in the world? After less than a year, it sounds to me that you are making good progress!