I used to get the anxiety - it was pretty bad.
It all came together one day, when I couldn't sleep. Certain facts came to my mind. Now, these may be assumptions but I don't think they're wrong. Nobody take offence because none was intended.
1) Most people came to chess - chess didn't come to them. This means they weren't childhood prodigies. Child prodigies get spotted QUICKLY. Whether they're natural (genetic) or a combo of genes and training (Tiger Woods style) - you know a prodigy, in any discipline, when you see one.
2) The only great chess players were childhood prodigies.
3) If you're playing chess and you were never a great talent, there's a reason for why you're doing it. You've tried other things, most likely, and found you had no talent for those, either.
4) You might be middle class. Middle class people were pushed hard to study at school and not fail at stuff. The prospect of failure is high, in any chess game. This will cause you more worry than others.
Given all the above, I came to realise that for most of us, playing chess, whether online or in person is not the life we would have wanted if we had a choice, nor is it the game/sport we would have chosen, if there were practically anything else we could try.
That's why my anxiety evaporated. Nearly overnight. I genuinely don't care if I win or lose. The person on the other end doesn't exactly enjoy the life of Barry Sheene, and whatever their score or win rate, it isn't someone to envy.
.. take it easy
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